Glasses.

9

TRIGGER WARNING

Mention of self-harm and suicide

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There was an unsettling feeling in her stomach. It made her uncomfortable, nauseous even. She could feel the involuntary movement of her legs bobbing up and down as well as the constant tapping of her pointer finger on her arm, they were restless. Like Taylor's mind, picturing different possible scenarios of how this would turn out. What does she say? What does she do?

When the party dissipated, Taylor made no move to stand and instead watched the warmth of the flames slowly die. She knew better than to avoid Jas, that girl was insistent. She knew how to get her answers, and where to get them. Anything she wanted, it was hers in a snap of a finger.

Jas was very well liked among her pears, she got along with almost everybody. A total babe, a sweetheart, but everyone knew better than to get on her bad side. Like a baby polar bear, Jas was soft and gentle. Easy to be smitten with, but once provoked she'll bite your head off. So it was only natural that when dark skin wrapped on her shoulders, the brunette felt her body go rigid — the bopping of legs and tapping coming to a complete halt.

"You wanted to talk?" Jas hums in a soft tone and Taylor can feel herself breaking into a sweat. "What about?" She asks dumbly. Her friend sure wasn't happy about that. Taking the arm off her, she sits ahead of the apprehensive girl lips formed into a thin line.

"You know what about," Still the brunette tells herself to be brave and to not give in, so she gives Jas her best confused look. "Fine, you want to be that way?"

"Let's talk about that particular blonde beauty you're so drawn to, you're always so gentle with her — like she's a lone priceless diamond. Or how about the blue of her eyes? The ones you're so fascinated with, always seeking for them but cower when trained upon you. Would you like me to go on, Taylor?"

"N-no...you're misunderstanding Jas, that's all." Taylor denies.

"I'm misunderstanding? You're really hurting my feelings right now Tay."

"I'm sorry."

"Do you...do you harbor romantic feelings for Romee?" There it was, that question she'd been dreading the entire night. Taylor's shoulders slump down in defeat. The way Jas questioned her, like she was hoping she was the one being delusional that what she's been seeing wasn't true. It hurt Taylor, a lot.

Truthfully, Taylor hasn't come out to anyone besides her family. She hasn't told her, she hopes, best friends. She just let them think she was into men. That she was into Noel, because that was the norm right? When the brunette had told her family she was gay, they had accepted her. Maybe her mother wasn't so open arms about it but she respected it enough to not force her to go out with those neat looking boys her age at the club.

"What if I do?" Taylor lets out softly. Her heart beating suddenly, wildly, in her rib cage. She has only ever confessed her love for Romee on paper, never by her lips. "Is that so, wrong?"

Receiving no answer, Taylor examines Jas' distressed look on her face. "Are you...are you against people like me, Jas? Is that it?"

Immediately Jas takes the brunette's hand on her own and gives it a soft squeeze, "Taylor I would never," Her tone lighter now. Taylor lets out a relieved sigh and her heartbeat lets up a little. "I accept you for who you are okay? This isn't about that I promise. It's just that..."

"What? What is it?"

"We had a friend like you, you know. Natalie." Jas breathes heavily. Natalie, Taylor remembers her. She used to hang out with Jas and Romee for some time up until two years ago. She never knew where she went. "I mean, like you she too liked Romee. No scratch that. She was, so in love with her. What's not to love, right? Smart, beautiful, and kind. She's everybody's girl." Taking a shaky breath, the dark skinned beauty continues. "One day after cheer practice, she told Romee how she felt about her. At the time Romee and Laurens had already been going out and she had tried to explain that her. For some time everything was okay, they acted like nothing happened. She thought Natalie had moved on."

"That was until she was cornered by her in the locker room. Natalie, threatened her. Threatened to slit her wrists if she wouldn't be with her. It was a nightmare. The next day, Natalie sported Romee's name on her arm. She had told Romee that she'd take her life the next. Before any of that could happen, I went with Romee to Nat's house and told her parents. We haven't see her since."

"Romee blamed herself you know. She blamed herself for every tear that Natalie shed, for the hurt that she felt. Romee hurt too, she was our friend. She truly believes she broke her." Taking Taylor's shaking hand into her own, Jas tells her sincerely. "I'm just worried okay? For both you and Romee."

"Jas, I'm sorry. I didn't know." Her friend gives her a sad smile and nods. "But I would never put Romee in a situation like that. It's very unfair to her."

"Jas, I love her." Taylor finally admits, all the strength went out of her as the words spilled past her lips. "I care for her a lot. But I don't want you to worry okay?"

"Everyday is a battle. Everyday I try to fight her, my love for her. But it's never enough. I try, I promise I try."

"Oh Tay," Jas says sympathetically and pulls Taylor into a warm embrace. She didn't notice her own set of tears until she had tasted them upon her lips.

"I can't help it, she makes me feel whole. She makes me alive."

"Tay, you are extraordinary. I don't want you to rely your happiness or the feeling of being alive on her, okay? You are your own person." And under the quilt of the night, Jas tells Taylor words that she will never forget. A constant reminder of what she is and isn't. "She's very dreamy, but she isn't the sun. You are."

•••••
Author's Note:

If you didn't know, that was actually a quote from Grey's Anatomy by Cristina Yang.