hands (professor lupin)✔️

Chapter Nine || Lies

I did not expect Ruby to forgive me after my behaviour in the train, but, oddly enough, he did. That day he helped me get my luggage off the train and as we entered the school grounds, he squeezed my hand.

He knew it was only a matter of time before I would catch sight of Lupin.

Term started on a Monday, and I had about four days to become used to Hogwarts again. Yet now almost everything was tainted with Lupin's presence - I could remember it was here what he'd said this or that. Everything reminded me of him. I asked Ruby to walk around with me, just in case I met Lupin somewhere.

Even though I knew he would try to make himself scarce after his letter.

Friday came - a cold, unpleasant day, and as I trudged on to Lupin's class, my legs grew heavier and heavier until they pained me - and then suddenly I turned around and ran the other way, my books pressed to my chest, my breathing irregular and a sob forming on my lips.

I skipped the whole period. Ruby was not proud of me.

- Listen, you can't just ignore the fact that he's alive. You might as well have not come to Hogwarts at all.

- Well thank you for your kindness and understanding! - I sobbed, lying on the couch I hadn't budged from for two hours now.

- You're probably not even in love with him, but rather the idea of him. Let it go, Lennie.

- You know what you should do, Ruby?

- What?

- You should shut the fuck up and leave me alone.

Finally fed up with my tears, Ruby left. I skipped lunch and dinner - and had no strength to do any homework from all of the crying.

Life seemed to have suddenly lost any meaning.

Another week went by, a week during which I attempted to pull myself together, but it all seemed like the rest of my subjects and the people I talked to were just a rehearsal for how I would survive the next Friday.

When I entered the Great Hall, I would go straight to my spot at the Gryffindor table, my eyes downcast so as to not look at the teacher's table.

I had been Lupin-free for two weeks now.

I couldn't even get any sleep that night. As I walked to Lupin's class the other day, Ruby held me firmly by the hand.

- Now remember what we talked about.

- Yes.

- You don't even have to say good morning to him.

- No.

- You don't have to look at him. You just have to hand in the papers. It's okay if you don't score any extra points for your in-class answers.

- It's okay if I don't score any extra points for my in-class answers.

- Good girl.

We were at the door of the class. Ruby smiled a small smile.

- You're going to be fine.

- I'm going to be fine.

Ruby led me in, and as I walked gingerly down the rows of seats and finally took mine, he seemed to relax, confident I wasn't going to run away anymore. He sat down next to me.
The other students were slowly filling up the room.

Lupin was nowhere to be seen.

- By the way did you copy out that essay on-

I zoned out, unable to listen to Ruby anymore. This class. This very classroom where I had almost fainted from the Dementor attack.