Xara's diary

October 3, 2003

I wasn't dead. It was... admin powers? I wasn't born with them like Romeo was. Romeo must've gave the powers to me without permission. I didn't want the powers. But if I were dead, I wouldn't be noticeable. Or hearable.

Jess and I were laying on the couch. It was around 9 and I was tired as hell. Jess wasn't even tired. She was watching a movie. I got up and picked Jess up then walked into her room. It was beautiful in her room. Baby blue walls with adorable curtains. Her crib was white. It was like quartz or something. Her closet was a walk in closet. I walked in and looked around. Her shoes were on a few shelves then her clothes were either hanging up or on shelves.

Wait...

My clothes were in there too. My shoes were also in there. I walk back into the room and I look to my left and my bed was there. My office type desk was there too with all of my junk on it. I smiled and walked over to the crib. When I put her in her the crib, she started crying. Like Jesse would. I was going to cry because I didn't like seeing her cry. So I hopped in the crib and she stopped crying. Which was good. She laid her head on my leg and she fell asleep. He hair was dark. Like black. She had a yellow stripe down her hair and it was more adorable. It was like mine except I have purple hair and pink tips.

I got out of the crib and sat on the couch in the living room. The house was huge with big rooms. Moms house was big too.

~~~

It was 11 and I was was sleeping on the couch. Jess was crying for hours without me noticing. As I woke when she started screaming, I went to Jess' room and then.. the house door opened. It was mom and dad and my stepmom. My stepmom walked in Jess' room and picked her up. I walked out of the room with her following. I was going back to moms but.. my admin powers started acting up again. Jesse was also with mom so I tried smacking him but my hand went through Jesse. Like it did when I tried patting Jess' head. Then more memories went through my head. Tons at a time, making me black out.

When I was back home after respawning, everyone ignored me. Dad didn't pay attention to me. Mom was still depressed, also ignoring me. Judy was in her room also depressed, cutting herself. Jesse was sleeping on the couch.

Did I do something wrong?

Who knows. But dad loved me and he never ignored me before no matter what bad things I did.

~~~

I woke up on the couch at mom's House. Jesse was laying against me, sleeping. Judy was standing next to me. And mom wasn't home. She was called to go back to work.

I got up and picked up Jesse. When I walked in Jesse's room, I put him in the crib, making him wake up. Jesse started crying and I sat in the crib with him. I played with his hair, making him bite me. I screeched and he kept crying even harder. Jesse stood up and managed to get out of the crib. He crawled over to the door and Judy walked by then put the gate up. Suddenly Jesse got even more mad and screamed. Then cried. Then screamed more.

Then...

I passed out again

"Can't believe Xara killed herself.." mom said to dad as she fed Jesse. I wasn't dead. I was standing right there in the doorway to the hallway that leads to the bathroom and mom and dad's bedroom. Was I actually dead or did the not know that I was here? Or maybe admin powers made me invisible. I tried going back to visible but it was a fail.

What happened to me?