The Certainty (Book Four in The Illusion of Certainty Series)

The Night Destroys The Sun

“You knew, didn’t you?”

I was laying on the bed, wrapped up in my comforter. Michael was next to me, still completely dressed. He’d discarded his boots and socks though and I knew that was as informal as he was going to get until we were really alone.

“Knew what?”

“About Aidan, about what was wrong with him. That he was different.”

Michael kept looking at me. “Yes. I knew.”

“In New York?”

He nodded. “When we finally got to you…you were both…different. I could sense it. I tried to write it off as shock, at least for him. He’d just killed someone after all. You weren’t permanently changed. You’ve dealt with so much so I knew you’d be fine eventually. Yours went away with the hallucinogen but the boy…I knew that change wasn’t going to go away. I’ve seen it so many times before. Post traumatic stress disorder is what they call it in the human word or dissociative disorder. I talked to him while you were sedated. By the end of it, I knew. He was different. It was like a light was on but no one was home. Every time I said your name, he didn’t respond to it like he used to.”

“You could’ve told me.”

“I didn’t think he’d come back here, not after what he said in New York. I thought he would just let it be but I knew once I learned he was coming back…that you needed to figure it out on your own. That’s the only reason I stayed out of your head so much. I thought you needed that time to yourself…” he frowned as if he was having a hard time putting what he was thinking into words. “I’ve been around a long time to know what you did with him while I was gone would happen. Did it hurt, yes, but I knew the two of you needed to figure things out without my influence. I’m sorry that it caused you pain but the outcome is in my favor so I can’t be too upset. But I’m still sorry nonetheless.”

“Don’t be sorry.”

He moved closer to me, wrapping me up in his arms. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I’d missed his smell. So many things about him were comforting, his arms, his warmth, his scent. He didn’t even have to kiss me for me to feel loved. Michael just being there was enough.

“I missed you,” I murmured. “The whole time it felt like a part of me was missing.”

“I’m here now,” he whispered. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

“But you will.”

“Let’s not talk about that right now.” He was running his fingers through my hair. “You need to get some sleep. The dark circles under your eyes could eclipse the moon.”

“Don’t pick on me.”

“I’m not.” He kissed my forehead. “I’m here so try and get some sleep. I’ll keep the nightmares away.”

 I sighed and settled into him. In the past three and a half months I’d gotten maybe a total of three to four hours sleep per night because of the nightmares. They would range from the one with Aidan to reliving the torture session with Jason. I’d always wake up drenched in sweat, shivering from the cold and from the fear. I was never able to go back to sleep no matter how tired I was. I would cry sometimes missing how easy sleep used to be.

“Do you think maybe you could stay here all night?”

“I wasn’t planning on leaving.”

I snuggled closer and buried my face in his shirt.

“Please don’t leave me again.”

I knew it wasn’t fair of me to say that. Eventually Michael would have to leave me, forever. Just like Aidan had. And I’d be alone for real, left to deal with everything on my own again. At this point I didn’t know how I’d lived without the two of them. I felt so unbalanced, unable to regain my equilibrium, my own gravity.