The Hardest Puzzle || Death Note

19-Won't Stop

Chapter Nineteen * Won't Stop -
You stared up at the apathetic Near, your eyes wide as you stared up at the nineteen-year-old.
Terrified, one side of you wanted to scream in terror. The other side wanted to beat the guy to a pulp.
Your unconscious and conscious selves argued over what to do, and finally agreed to compromise.
You gave a strangled gasp.
"N-near-" you hissed, clenching your teeth. "Could you move please?"
The teenager didn't budge. He only stared down at you blankly.
"N-near...?" you asked with a small, confused smile on your face.
The smile disappeared as he continued to be unresponsive.
You were becoming increasingly more frustrated. "Near, you really need to move. Please," you added as a second thought.
You slowly but surely began to panic.
"N-ne-near," you gasped. "Please. You have to-" your voice rose up into a bit of a wail, "-get off me!" Your voice went down a bit, and you whispered a soft, unsteady, "Please..."
Near gave a start. What had he been doing? What had he been thinking? What...
The great Near wasn't supposed to have feelings. He was an apathetic human male in between being a teen and an adult. So what was he doing, and why? Were these feelings and emotions, and if so, which ones were they, and why were they there?
Near quickly slid off of you; you breathed a visible sigh of complete relief.
"Th-thanks," you whispered. You caught yourself, though, and made yourself say it more loudly. "Thank you, Near."
Of course, with Near being the antisocial and nongregarious person he was, he barely even nodded his head to acknowledge the fact that you said anything.
You quickly sat up and took a huge, deep breath, swatting at the clumps of snow on you in an attempt to get them off. You managed to get everything save a single spot on the middle of your back.
Obviously, Near saw this, which was why he leaned over and reached out with his hand. Using fingers normally thin and long but turned big and bulky because of gloves, he wiped the patch of white off of your back. It fell off in chunks of mushy white mess.
Even though you wore a puffy coat you felt his light touch.
Instinctively you arched your back and tried to lean forward, all in an attempt to get away.
You walked briskly away from him and towards the door. You were exhausted; you supposed you'd had enough of the snow today.
"I'm gonna...go...inside," you mumbled softly back to Near. After hearing the crunch of footsteps in snow behind you, you correctly assumed that Near had chosen to follow you.
You tromped inside in your overly large boots, making a mental note to never borrow Hal's shoes again; she had huge feet.
She must wear a size eleven or something, you mused as you easily slipped out of them.
"Done already?" Hal asked from the doorway of a room you weren't allowed in.
"It's been about an hour-and-a-half, Hal," Near asserted.
"There's not much to do without sleds or anything, anyway," you spoke up bravely.
Hal nodded almost appreciatively. "True, true." She left the doorway to help you struggle out of your articles of clothing, leaving poor Near to do as such himself.
"Okay," Hal said when she was done. She hung up your-well, her-soaked clothes. "Now, would you two like to have some hot cocoa?" she inquired.
You loved cocoa. You almost wanted to leap up and down in joy, but you controlled yourself.
"Yes, please," you said softly and shyly.
Hal busily nodded. "Okay. Let's get to the kitchen."
The three of you headed down the hall and to the kitchen and dining room.
Hal and Near went in first.
You could hear boisterous laughter coming from there, and hesitated before going in. You knew that the laughter would immediately stop when you went in the dining room, and that they'd all stare at you with pity and curiosity in their eyes. Then, once you had passed and gone into the kitchen, the laughter would begin anew. They always did that, and you knew it would probably never stop.
You told yourself it didn't matter, though; you barely knew any of them, and you'd probably be leaving soon, anyways. They had to be getting tired of you by now.
You entered the room, and as expected, the laughter slid to an abrupt stop.
Having no other choice, you held your head high and walked swiftly to the open doorway leading to the kitchen.
But to your surprise, as you were exiting the dining room and going to the adjacent kitchen, someone exited said kitchen and ran straight into you.
Both of you stumbled, but the man managed to not fall, and also managed to luckily catch you on your way down.
You stared up at the man; it was that Matsuda guy.
Once you were steady on your feet, though, he quickly let go of you.
You kept looking at him.
"Thank you," you said, making sure not to say it too softly.
Matsuda stared. He, like the others, had correctly assumed that you didn't talk much.
"Me?" he asked you incredulously. "Are you talking to me?!"
You nodded slowly.
"Wow." He grinned in surprise. "Wow. Um, I guess you're...welcome?"
You nodded and forced yourself to give him a small smile. To your surprise, though, it came easier than usual, and even felt more natural and less fake.
Matsuda was astounded.
You felt kind of warm inside, and with that, you passed the Japanese man and headed inside the kitchen.
After what you assumed was a stunned silence, the chatting and laughter began anew in the dining room.
Near and Hal were sitting in chairs by the small table in the corner, Near sipping a mug of hot cocoa.
Hal stood.
"What took you so long?" Hal asked you, holding a steaming mug of hot chocolate out for you.
Quietly you took the mug.
You could only answer with a small smile that you had attached onto your face to prevent a larger one. You knew you could smile like that now, for the first time ever, but you wanted to keep that to yourself for now.
"It's hot," Near warned monotonously.
You took a small sip of your cocoa, nearly choking on it and forcing the hot liquid down.
"Told you," Near said in yet another monotone.
.........
Once you had retreated to your room, though, you let the smile out.
"What...what is this?" you asked yourself softly, staring in the mirror at yourself.
You were mystified at how things had changed. While you knew that the depression and the memories weren't gone, and probably wouldn't be for awhile, you felt like you could fly.
"I'm going to brave through school now," you declared firmly to your reflection. "I can do it. I'm already behind, but I'll manage."
You stepped out of your room and went to find Hal, who it turns out was in her room folding the newly cleaned clothes that you'd been borrowing.
"I want.... There's something I'd like to tell you," you said shyly.
She looked at you expectantly.
"I want to try going to school again," you said to her.