The Day I Met Ana

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Song Choice: Beauty From Pain by Superchick

2 months have come and gone and everything had stayed pretty much the same. Hannah called me about every 2 weeks to tell me about her new school and all the classes she has. She even has an eye on someone, which I encouraged her to pursue. Cole and I are pretty much the same, even after his confession. We were still the same buddies we were before he spoke those words. I like you.

It was the weekend and I usually spent them looking at thinspo and working out. My weight had dropped significantly. I now only weighed 100. It still wasn't good enough, well, thats what Ed said and Ana had agreed whole heartedly. It was bad enough that it took two whole months just to lose 18 pounds and Ed wasn't too happy about that. He's been making me exercise twice as hard now and he rarely lets me drink anything because he says it will slow down my weight loss.

Okay then, whatever.

Ana, Mia, and Betty are back again for some strange reason. Ed no longer controls them anymore so that was weird. Ed didn't have a side anymore, he was now just a huge jerk that brought me down. Ana was the same, bossy as normal and Mia was kind, as always. I didn't pay much attention to Betty because I was on the 10 day fast and I didn't want to break it. The visits from Cat have become more frequent and she stays longer than she used to. That also means more scars and wounds I had to hide from my mother.

Speaking of my mother, she's been sober for two months and I couldn't be more proud of her. She's getting her life back together and being a better parent to me. Shes also seeing someone new and I'm happy for her. My father was a huge asswhole to leave like he did so I was glad she found someone else to make her feel good. The holidays are coming up soon and I think that my mother is having a get-together for our family and close friends. She hasn't hammered out the details yet so I doubt it, seeing as it was only 3 days until spring break.

"Macy?" My mothers voice floated to the top of the stairs.

"Yeah?"

"I'm leaving for the store. I have to pick up a few groceries before dinner. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Want anything?" The one question that made my mind explode with a thousand possibilities.

My mouth watered as I thought of chocolate. yes, that would be good right now or maybe some nerds! I opened my mouth to respond but Ana clamped my mouth shut.

Don't you dare.' Her glare spoke. 'do you want to gain all that weight back?'

Slowly, Ana let go of my mouth and Mia, Betty, Ed, and Cat showed up suddenly. Each one of them watched me with calculating eyes. Betty was cheering for me to get as much food as I could but the looks that Ed was giving me disintegrated every craving I suddenly.

"Um... no mom. Im good." I swallows thickly.

"Okay."

I let out a sigh and slumped onto the bed. This was getting harder and harder to control. I know before I didn't have that big of a problem with binging because I was able to eat at least a little bit but now, the temptation was unbearable. For the past 2 days, I haven't eaten anything and I was starving.

'Too bad your so fat. If you were skinny like Liz then maybe you'd be able to eat anything you want"

"Well its too fucking bad that I'm not her." I muttered as a dark feeling crept over me.

Lately I've been feeling like everything would be much easier if I were dead. Just because things with Cole, Hannah and my mother were going great didn't mean that my school life has gotten any better. Liz made sure that it couldn't get any better. If she wasn't spreading rumors about me, she was in my face tearing me down. She enjoyed publicly humiliating me and no one else seemed to mind it except Cole. He always stood up for me when he saw it happening but he couldn't be around all the time. And when Liz wasn't on my back, Blake was because he was still pissed that I had gotten his suspended and his nose broken.

Like it was my fault that Cole punched him!

But my mind was always surrounded by a dark haze that even Cat couldn't take away fully, even when she petted my arms harder than before.

"Hello" a voice startled me out of me thoughts.

"Um... hello?" I said to a curly brown haired girl.

"I'm Suzie." She held out her hand for me to shake.

"Macy." I said and grabbed her hand.

The moment I did, a barrage of voices collided into my head and even though each voice said something completely different, they all meant the same thing: Kill yourself. I snatched my Han back quickly and held it against my chest. An amused chuckle rose from Suzie's mouth as she watched me.

"What was that?"

"That was all on you."

Me? I was terribly confused.

"What do you mean me?"

She sat at the edge of my bed. "They were all the people that want you dead honey. They're all after you."

I sucked in a breath.

"I know its a lot to take in at the moment and your confused about this but what in saying is true. They want you dead so why not do them a favor?"

"I-I can't" I whispered.

"And why not?" she cocked her head to the side.

"I may be sad but I'm too young to diet There are things I want to do, places I want to see-"

"Okay, Okay, I understand," she said signing before standing in the windowsill and opening it. "But don't say I didn't warn you. Soon your gonna wish you took me up on that offer."

And with that Suzie stood with her back facing the opened window and let herself fall backwards out of it. I squeaked and ran to the window, hoping she was alright but when I got there, I didn't see her. I walked back to my bed and thought over what she said: they all want you dead anyway so do the a favor.

The thought of that was somewhat appealing and I could see myself actually considering it but-

No.

I wouldn't give them what they want. I would stay strong in this battle between them.

But I also had another battle to fight and I didn't know if I had the strength to fight both.