the boys i've loved and the end of the world

so this is how it feels to have someone give up on you

i remember when you first
told me you loved me,
and you held my hands in yours and
whispered it again and again
in my ear until i was in tears,
and my heart was flying out of my chest.

there is so much time and space
between us now and i do not know
how to make it go away.
i do not like the distance in the slightest
but i can not figure out how
to make it disappear. i don't think
you ever wanted to leave, really.
but you have always been impatient.

i spend my time counting out
the minutes and seconds and days
and hours that have passed since
you've gone.
i know you are with her;
it hurts me so, but i cannot forget it,
no matter how hard i try.
it's funny how the most painful memories
are the ones that stay.

she is not a poet like i am.
she cannot make you sound beautiful
the way i do, she cannot write you
love poems that can be framed
and put on the wall.

i hope she doesn't love you as well as i did,
as well as i do, so maybe you will realize, me.
after all this time.

one time, you told me you wanted
to marry me. i think you still do,
deep down. i hope she hears it when
you say my name. "i don't love her, anymore,"
you tell her, but all she hears is,
"i do, i do."

                                          -c.h.

~

#5 in poetry? that's amazing! thank you so much! also, don't forget to buy the full book, available on amazon right now for only $7.25!