Toilets & A Fake Girlfriend (girlxgirl)

Chapter 27: Poop Revenge

"That woman is going to prison, I swear to god," says Melissa who's talking about Veronica. She and I put the tiny poop on Veronica's car seat. We're pretty sure that woman doesn't check her seat before she sits on it. And here we are, Melissa and I, staring at Veronica's convertible at a distance, hiding behind the bushes, waiting for her to embarrass herself in front of everybody.

Apparently, we escaped from the police. That old lady, she probably still continues shouting about her stolen poop. We don't care.

Veronica's car is parked in front of the school. We've been waiting for hours, skipping classes, just to witness this event. "I'm bored," I finally say. "Can we just---"

"No!"

"Look, we can---"

"No!"

"There are---" mosquitoes.

"No!"

"Why---" are we doing this?

"No!"

"I will just---" shut up.

"No!"

Great.

All of a sudden, Melissa starts moving around restlessly, "Look, look, look, look, look, look, look!" She points at Veronica, standing beside her car, chatting with her random chic male and female circle of friends. I turn to look at Veronica who is blonder than she ever was before.

"Look at that vile creature," Melissa says in a disgusted way. "She's laughing now... but in a few minutes, she will sit on Chihuahua feces." While clapping her hands like a seal, Melissa snorts sarcastically. "Oh god! I wonder what she'd look like if she sat on that poop."

"Yeah," I reply, not knowing whether to laugh with her or to shut up.

Melissa grunts impatiently, "When is she gonna embarrass herself already?"

"We'll wait, babe."

Veronica is laughing like an evil bitch with her new phony friends right now. Her old pals: Henrietta, Scarlett, Brie, and Kris are hanging out with the cheerleaders, still trying to be close with them. They can never be cheerleaders because Melissa is back to being the cheer captain again. She and the coach get to decide who are eligible and who aren't. Even though, they are really good-looking and unbelievably hot, they will never, ever become cheerleaders as long as my girlfriend is reigning the throne. "YES!" I say mentally.

As much as I want to join the Latin students club, Melissa won't let me. She went, "Even though I love you so much and I want to make love to you seven times a week, you can't join the club, why, because you utterly suck at Spanish. True Latinas speak Spanish or Brazilian Portuguese. You're not a Latina by heart, you just wanna join because I'm in the club. I know you want to snog me every minute, but that does not work, why, because we have to follow the club's rules or the school's rules in general: No PDA (Hetero or Homo)."

She's wrong. I'm a Latina by heart. I don't want to snog her every minute. I need to breathe fresh air too not just some carbon dioxide emitted from her baby-breathed mouth.

Veronica has been standing there for minutes. I hope she and her phony amigas won't smell the awful stench of animal poop otherwise, they will notice it and warn her.

And there's Rachel, still hiding in the closet, staring at Veronica at a distance, still oblivious about the fact that Veronica, her crush, is an evil Neanderthal. Why does she like that girl so much anyway when she could've liked me--- or any other girl. But I still care about her--- not in a gay way but in a friendly way. Maybe I should hook her up with some of Melissa's friends or something. She has to have new friends and stop stalking Veronica. I would really love her to hang out with us (with Melissa, Anna, and Danny P) but she might hesitate, after all, she doesn't want to be seen with gay people--- not that Danny P is gay.