I Miss You, Asshole.

I Miss You, Asshole. - School Days.

That night, that sweatshirt stayed untouched. My covers weren't dry, so I slept with just a mattress - wrapped in a blanket like a burrito.

Sleeping was really hard to do. Something big happened in my life - I had my first heartbreak. I lost my virginity on my birthday. Birthday sex was harmless. That was until the next day, he dropped me like a ball. 

Do you know how it feels to feel worthless? Like you meant nothing to a person at all? I fucking hated Logan. If I ever saw his sorry ass again, I thought in anger, he's gonna know how worthless he made me.

I did manage to cry myself to sleep at three in the morning.

Thursday

At first, I wondered why there were salt stained tears on my pillow. Then, the black sweatshirt in the corner reminded me.

Instead of breaking into tears, I stared at it unnervingly. It was a friendly reminder of the morning before, and the night two days before that. God, I still reply how I dumb I felt when he left.

He wasn't supposed to leave. He was suppose to love me and enjoy being naked.

I shuttered. Logan saw me naked and I couldn't take it back. I loved the bastard, too. I fucking love him.

"Hazel." Mom spoke softly as she opened my door. Evan let in Carly, Mom, and Zach on my situation with Logan after I confessed to him.

I lifted my head to meet Mom's concerned face.

"Do you feel up for school today?"

"Yes." No way was I letting Logan know I avoided school because of him. I had to stay strong, even though I was broken on the inside.

"Okay, I'll take you to school."

I took a long hot shower. I pulled on black jeans, a gray 'Stay Positive.' pull over, and red uggs. Mom drove me in the family van and gave me small talk.

I dreaded walking around school. School was now the one place I absolutely hated. I hated it because Logan had to go, too. It was great that Addy didn't - that'd be unbearable. I had to watch Logan go on with his life, while I still loved him and needed him.

When I get to my locker, I forget Miranda is mad at me.

"Hey Mir."

"Don't call me that." She spat.

I wanted to cry all over again.

There was no good part to my day. Miranda ignored me, I didn't see Logan throughout the day, and I sat alone at lunch.

Miranda was nowhere in sight and Aiden, Quinn, and Josh were back to sitting together. They were all talking and laughing.

Did they not see me hurting?

At the end of the day, I'm ready to relax. Logan and I share Art, but I didn't see him at all today. After lunch, I did see that Miranda and Aiden were together - that made me wince.

Sadly, I don't have any friends in my last hour. Most of the time, Logan and I partnered up and had the best paint fights. Mrs. Batista still doesn't like us because of our last one.

It almost hurt to walk over to my canvas and see my water paint from last week. Logan helped me with it. I wasn't an artsy person, so I had no idea what the hell it was. It was yellow, orange, and red in a blob. I'm going to name it a sunset.

"Feeling crafty today?" Mrs. Batista asked sarcastically when I sat on my stool.

I gave her a blank stare.