Don't Let Me Go

Mine

RECAP:

A couple minutes later I hear my mom sniff, I looked up from scrolling on Tumblr, and stared at my mom. She looked like a deer in headlights.The doctor started talking. “Emily, I’m sorry but-"

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Right when the doctor said the word "sorry" I lost it. I knew something was going to be wrong. I gave it my best effort to hold in my tears and just listen to the doctor. "You have a low white blood count." I looked at her like she had 3 heads. What is a low white blood count? "You can do more tests right? That's not always the outcome, right?" I hear my mom say. I am so lost. What are they talking about? I don't really like talking to doctors cause they are always so serious but I pushed myself to ask something so I know whats going on.

"Um, Doctor Whitmore, what exactly is a low white blood count?" She perked her head up from looking at the ground. This is the first time we've made eye contact. Her arms were crossed, she had a long white doctors lab coat on, a name tag that said "Dr. Whitmore", she wore high heels (which is a little strange wearing that in a hospital) and long blonde hair. Before answering, she looked at my mom, and looked back at me.

"You see Emily, a low white blood count is a decreased number of white blood cells in the blood." Okay, that made sense so i asked one more thing, "What does that mean?" I didn't feel so well when I asked that. I don't know if its because I'm nervous to hear the answer or if its cause I just threw up and still feel light headed.

"Emily, that's why I'm doctor. I help patients out. It usually means that you will be more vulnerable for infections that do not go away or hard to treat. I'm sorry Emily, but you might have a type of cancer. But im not 100% sure so please don't freak out. I will do my best to find out as soon as possible so we can treat you. When I run more tests, I will let you know. Until then, I'm going to have nurse Brittany take you up to a hospital room. I want you here tonight to see if anything changes. Okay?" I just held in my tears. My throat started to hurt. "Okay" I said as my voice cracked. Doctor Whitmore walked over to me, rubbed my back and walked out of the room. I saw her in the hallway from our window and she was talking to a lady in scrubs. Which I am thinking is Nurse Brittany. 

I felt a tear hit my cheek. No Emily, Stop crying. You don't have cancer. Okay, maybe you aren't 100% positive but you don't know yet. you will be okay. I thought to myself. Its the only thing i could think. I looked over to my mom, she was crying. Not a lot, but i could tell she was upset. "Mom, I might have cancer" I said softly. She looked up quickly. "Emily don't say that. You don't know" She sounded like she knew that I was right but she wanted to deny it. "Okay whatever you say. Isn't that how grandma died? From breast cancer?" I said, I felt sorry for saying that after I did, because my mom had a rough time about my grandma/her mom's loss. "Yeah, that's how she did sweetie. But you don't know for a fact so stop thinking about it" Which I have no idea how to stop thinking about when I am in the hospital for that reason. 

About 10 minutes later the nurse walked in. I told you they were slow. She introduced herself, unhooked my emergency room bed and rolled me around the hospital until he reached an elevator. We were all dead silent in there. Which was a little awkward. Just laying there on the bed not hearing a peep until finally the elevator beeped as we reached the 7th floor.

We reached my "Hospital Stay Room" as they call it. I was on floor 7 in room A28. Brittany rolled my emergency room bed next to my "Hospital Stay Room" bed and made me scoot over onto the Hospital Stay Room bed which was MUCH comfier then the other one. She said if I need anything then I should hit the "Call Nurse" Button on the little remote next to my bed.