Baby Madness

Chapter 32

Pagtingin ko sa oras, 4 A.M. na. I was tired the whole day and spent the night lying on my bed but I couldn't sleep at all so I decided to read the portfolio that Dad gave to me earlier. I just started taking major subjects last sem like BA 101 (Introduction to Business Management), BA 114 (Accounting Theory and Practice) and BA 140 (Business Finance) and thanks to those, I could understand some of the papers but I had to search and read about concepts like risk parity, capitalization weighting and different investment approaches, as well as the current conditions of the GDP, market capitalization and market share.

My head was spinning from all the numbers and figures but somehow, it was fun, unlike in Calculus or lower Math subjects wherein all I did was to find the unknown values without any reasons or arguments behind them. At least here, the data were real and because of that, I could understand the company more.

Mabuti na nga lang at tumalab 'yong kape na ininom ko at nakatulong din ang pangungulit ng bwisit na 'yon pero mukhang tulog na siya ngayon.

Ewan ko ba sa Jazer na 'yon at mukhang wala talaga siyang alam sa internet at applications. We exchanged emails and actually, it was kind of refreshing. I mean, I only use my email for professional and academic purposes yet that guy flooded my inbox with casual messages, as if we he was texting.

Humiga ako sa kama at doon lang ako tinamaan ng antok pero bigla naming pumasok sa isip ko si Mom dahil sa folder na nasa ibabaw ng unan ko. Kasabay kasi ng pagbigay niya ng mga binasa ko kanina ay ang medical records ni Mom pati na rin ang ilang scratch papers.

Written on the papers were Dad's and her children's names but looking at the strokes, it seemed like she had a hard time writing and remembering them. I felt a lump in my throat after looking at a sketch of my face. It resembled me yet it felt like she wasn't sure with the little details. I didn't even know that she could draw.

Hindi ko pa rin matanggap na may gano'ng klase siya ng sakit. I hated her but I was willing to give her one more chance, even though I thought she only went home because of my siblings. However, after knowing her condition, I realized the reasons behind her uncertain and inexcusable actions and I suddenly felt guilty. But could you blame me? Yes, I was ignorant but I was hurt because of her.

Bumangon naman ako at nag-search tungkol sa dementia. The more I read about it, the heavier I felt. It's a progressive disease and there are no available treatments to stop or slow its progression. Bigla na lang tumulo ang luha ko dahil natakot ako sa pwedeng mangyari. Would she live like a blank canvas? Would she forget everything that she loves? Would she forget me?

It was cruel. And I don't know what was more agonizing: gradually forgetting the people and things you treasure or being slowly forgotten by someone you hold dear?

Ngayong alam ko na ang sitwasyon niya, hindi ko naman alam ang gagawin ko kapag umuwi ako. She wouldn't want to be pitied, for sure, but I also couldn't approach her easily. Things were still awkward between us.

Ni hindi ko na napansin ang oras dahil sa mga iniisip ko. Balak kong huwag na lang matulog dahil susunduin ako ni Greg dito ng 8 A.M at 5:30 A.M. na. Nagpadala na lang ako ng breakfast sa room ko at habang naghihintay ay nag-shower muna ako. Pagkatapos ko ay pumunta ako sa veranda at pinanood ang sunrise. The view from my room was breathtaking and I remembered Jazer since he loves this kind of scene. I grew up in a city so I really didn't have the chance to see nature's beauty but because of him, I started to appreciate it. Dahil nga sa mga pinagsasabi niya ay gusto kong makapunta sa probinsya o kahit saang hindi pa masyadong modernized.

Dumating naman ang hotel staff at inihanda ang breakfast doon mismo sa veranda. Kinuha ko rin ang phone ko sa kama at may na-receive akong bagong email.