Holding on ( a ziam fanfic)

Chapter twenty two

Zayn's p.o.v

There's a dull hum echoing around this darkness and I can't seem to touch anything, it's all blank, like I'm drifting on air, nothing brings me warmth anymore. A sudden jolt shot through me and I could feel a sting as I tried to pry my eyes open but failed to do so. My senses were on high alert at this moment as the scent of disinfectant swarmed my chest. What? Why disinfectant? Where am I? I don't remember shit and damn it it's freezing. The blistering cold wrapped around me, draining all energy I had hoped to use to open my eyes. I opened my mouth to call out to someone, anyone but all that came out was an unrecognizable groan. I clenched my fists as tight as I could when I noticed the sounds around me. The rain and wind raved against the walls, it almost echoed the fuzzy discoloration of my thoughts. Then there was a flash, even beneath my heavy lids I felt that streak of light which was followed by a thunderous sound belting from the skies. A thunderstorm. I jumped even though every ligament of my body ached and protested at the sudden movement but I didn't care. I had to get to him, he can't manage the storms alone, he's so petrified of them it's truly saddening to think this brave man cried from thunder but that's what I love about him, I love that I'm the only one who he allows to touch him. I love how he snuggles right into me, until I'm not sure where he stats and I finish but that's just it, I never needed to know. I could keep him in my arms for so long, make sure he didn't cry himself to sleep. The intense beam of light singed at my eyes until I could finally pry my eyes open. There was complete blank sheets, walls but everything was too hazy to decipher. it's too much.I can't let him be scared, not on a night like this. I looked down at my hands were, needles were pecking into my skin. I yanked them off wincing at the sting of the needles leaving my body. I was about to escape when I heard that voice.

I didn't think they would be here.

Perrie

"What're you doing Zayn?" she questioned me with a smirk on her face. I opened my mouth to speak but my mouth wouldn't form the words. I needed to say something, something I've been trying to speak about since the beginning. I watched her nervously but I knew I had to speak, I had to stop this insanity from happening. I'm not in the mood to lie to Perrie, it's wrong to lie to her like this.

"I'm not marrying you Perrie, I'm not in love with you" I whispered when closing my eyes so I wouldn't see the look on her face, I can't hurt her.

"I know, you're in love with Payne in the arse" she laughed which made me snap my attention back to her with a furious glare.

"Don't call him that" I warned her while picking up the thin blanket as the thunder grew louder and more ferocious, the wind backhanding the tree against the structure of the hospital room.

"Why? He's the one whose taken you away from me" she pouted while looking down at the ground with little sniffles seeping out from her. Was she crying?

"Perrie, babe look no-one is taking you away from me, i-i just um look he's everything to me. I don't want to live a lie" I told her earnestly while tracing the bed sheets idly, wincing every time the thunder roared into the room, each bolt was a new sob from Liam and that wrecked my already faltering senses. Please forgive me for not holding you close tonight, please forgive me for being so selfish and staying here when I should be next to you.

"I don't get it, Management say we can't do anything about it? I mean if you love him then why are you with me? Don't I deserve a little respect? Don't I deserve a say in the matter? What if I don't care whether you love eachother or not? What if I don't care that you'll never love me like you love him? You'll get over it" she shouted, her hands fisted by her sides as she glared at me with her piercing blue eyes. I shivered at her cold tone because it seems to me that no-one wants me and Liam to be together. Maybe they're right? Maybe I should just stop following him around and telling him I love him, maybe the feelings aren't reciprocated. But those kisses, the way he kissed me made me feel like I was the only one, the only form of happiness, the only light in the dark. I shook my head sadly while biting nervously at my lower lip until I could taste the copper texture seep into my tongue.