Typically Me [BxB]

Chapter Twelve

When I woke up in the morning, Ray was already gone. I suspected that he had left early just to escape before anyone at the hospital came to check up on me… but then he didn’t visit me again.

 When I left the hospital and could finally turn my phone on, he hadn’t messaged me, called me, nothing. I sent him a quick text just to let him know I was free again.

 He didn’t text back.

 “He’s just busy, Ash. C’mon, let’s go home.” my mum had said, wrapping an arm around me and walking me to the car.

 I had the strangest feeling… but no, it couldn’t be? Ray didn’t blame himself, did he? He didn’t feel that guilty that he couldn’t see me anymore?

 Questions plagued my mind and I sat in silence as mum drove us home. I saw her reach down and pick something up off of the car floor and watched as she fiddled with the stereo whilst driving. Dangerous.

 “I brought your favourite!” she said, and suddenly the American Psycho album by the Misfits was blasting out of the speakers. She even hummed along, just trying to break the tension.

 I sighed and lent my forehead against the cool glass, gazing out of the window. It was well into autumn, nearly winter now, and corpses of leaves which had once hung on the trees now lay on the ground, waiting for someone to tread on them.

 The second I stepped through the door at home my little brother and sister ran at me. I got down on one knee just in time for them to launch themselves at me for a huge hug. Lisa was nearly crying and even Bart was somewhat strangely silent.

 “Hey, hey! You guys! What’s wrong?” I asked them.

 “You were hurt…” Bart’s muffled voice sounded from where his lips were pressed against my shoulder.

 “Yeah, but I’m fine now.” I said.

 I took them into the living room and we sat together, watching the TV. I sat in the centre and they sat on either side of me, leaning against my arms. Mum looked happy but her eyes welled up; why are some parents so sensitive when their children get on well?

 Mum looked crazily thin. She looked like if I grabbed her wrist it would snap in my very hands. I was instantly worried about her. Her hair looked thin and there were dark circles under her eyes. She caught me looking and exited the room- but not before I could hear her sob. I asked my brother and sister what they wanted to drink, an excuse to go and be in the kitchen with mum.

 She was leaning against one of the counters, facing away from me, her shoulders shaking.

 “Mum?”

 She straightened up and wiped her eyes, turned around and smiled.

 “Yes, Ash?” she asked. I raised an eyebrow.

 “Don’t pretend like everything’s fine. What’s wrong? And don’t you say that you’re just glad I’m okay, because I know that’s not it.” I said.

 She sighed and pulled up her jumper. My eyes widened.

 “Jesus Christ, mum!” I gasped, surging forward and poking the small bump on her stomach.

 “I didn’t know how to tell you before, I’m so sorry, Ash!” she cried. I pulled her into a hug and she stifled her sobs against my shoulder.

 “Why are you apologising? Crazy woman.” I said, and she stopped crying for a moment to giggle feebly. “Who’s the father?”

 “Someone I met in the city. I was at work, out for lunch… But he’s gone, Ash.” she told me.

 It kind of made sense now. She hadn’t been eating much through fear. She’d lie awake at night, worrying about how to tell me she was seeing someone. She’d taken the day off work, possibly to spend the day with this guy, possibly to get a scan done. There was no point in getting angry or upset. I had been so mad with the guy who was Bart and Lisa’s father, for deserting her, for deserting them… but there was no point this time. This time I knew I would just be mad over something I could never change.