A freak or something

A few years ago, I thought the most important thing in life was to fit in. Just recently I realized I was more wrong than I've ever been. Without happiness you're not alive. It doesn't matter what he says, she says, or what they all say. The most important thing about life is finding who you want to be and what you want to be remembered as once you pass. I'll have to admit, a few years back I thought I knew everything. It was insane how up to date I thought I was. Now growing up I realize, I have no idea who I am and more sadly, who I want to be. Im scared. Sometimes I just stare out of the car window and gaze at the stars. It seams they always have their place and know just how bright to shine each and every night. I'm sixteen and my name is Nichole. I'm an average teenaged girl. When people glance at me they dont know, I've been bullied my whole life and all I really want is to be loved. Instead, they see a girl happy as ever with her best friend Michael. Michael is really all I have and he's probably all I want. He's made me a better me and without him, I'd be completely alone.

"Nichole?"

I close my journal fast and look up into his grey, beautiful eyes. He gives me a curious smile as if he were asking what I was writing about. I couldn't tell him though. He was my best friend, yeah, but I didn't want him to think I was a freak or something.

"Oh, hey Michael" I say with a satisfying smile. He shares his white soothing smile back at me. If you couldn't tell, I've liked Michael for a very long time. We met in seventh grade and now that we're in tenth, nothing has changed.

"You're always writing in that book Nich, why won't you ever let me read it?"

"It's...." I had to think for a well organized word. "personal." I'm not sure if he got the wrong idea but by the look he gave me I knew he did.

"You say I'm your best friend and you wont let me read that stupid book you always write in?" He seamed mad and all I could do was just stare at him with an apologetic expression.

"Wow Nich. I'm out of here. I'll talk to you later."

Ouch, that hurt. I hope he's not too mad. Who did he think he was, though? To call my journal stupid and get mad when I didn't want him to read it? Then I heard the door slam.

I winced at the noise and got a text at that very moment. It said, "I hope you know, you're a waste of air you fatass loser." It was probably Aalea, one of the popular girls at school. Everyone there thought I was fat, ugly, and just a waste of life. I am.

I just closed out of the message and started crying. Then I recieved a call. Thinking it was Aalea I answered the phone with rage, "FUCK OFF."

"Nichole?" Oh no. It was my mother.

"Hi mom. I'm sorry I thought it was this girl who just texted me. She's just messing around, It's not a big deal" I lied.

"Well, okay. I just called to see if you were okay."

I heard something outside. Then out of no where I heard a sound and it sounded like one of the windows in my room had just shattered.

"Just fine." I lied again.