Suicide

9

I turn my phone screen on, notifications blow up my phone.

TaeTae

Kookie! 

Joonie

Where are you?

Sweg

Why are you ignoring us?

Hobi

Waa! You no walk home with us!

Eomma

Young man do not ignore us

TaeTae

WhY yOu BrUsH mE oFf?

Chim Chim

Kookie-ah? You no sit with us??

Chim Chim

Where you at?

Joonie

I'm srry for yelling

Joonie

Plz tell us why your not talking to us!

TaeTae

Did I do something?

Eomma

Joonie's srry for yelling at you plz come back

Sweg

Am I not sweag enough for you?

Hoseok

I WANT HUGS!

Chim Chim

If you come back I'll give you something

I sigh and ignore all the messages, "they're just doing this to make you feel like they care," the voice spits, "they will have forgotten you by tomorrow," it growls. I push the voice out my head and text Melanie.

Hello

Who dis?

Jungkook

Hello sir

Can we meet up or something?

Sure, when and where?

Now, meet me at the park

... Please

Sure Kookie ☾

☽

Read 3:48 pm 

I get up from the couch and walk out the house, locking the door after me. I make my way to the park. I see Melanie sitting on a bench as I enter the park, I walk over and sit next to her. "So, what's on your mind?" Melanie asks. I open my mouth but she puts her hand up, "let's talk about this over ice cream," she gives me a goofy smile. "You do realise it's the middle of winter?" I ask. Melanie nods, "so? I don't give a shit about the weather, I want an ice cream," Melanie pouts, I laugh, "okay, let's go get an ice cream," I giggle.

We walk to a cafe, "are you selling any ice cream?" Melanie asks, they guy serving us raises an eyebrow, "yeah we have ice cream but why would you want that in this weather?" He asks, "personally, I couldn't care less about what season it is, weather it's sunny or rainy, if I want an ice cream, I'm getting an ice cream." The guy just nods, "fair enough, what flavour?" He asks, "we'll take two chocolates," Melanie orders. I look at her, she was getting me one too? She's handed the ice creams and Melanie hands one to me.

We walk down the path a bit and then sit on the least frosty grass patch we could find. "Melanie, I can't eat this..." I say quietly. I mean I really wanted to, but I couldn't sacrifice my image for it, "why not?" Melanie asks, raising an eye brow. "I mean I can I-," Melanie cuts me off, "your struggling with your body image and despite clothes barley fitting you anymore you STILL believe that your not skinny enough, starving yourself and if you do eat you throwing it up anyway," Melanie says, not taking her eyes off her ice cream.

I nod in shame, "Kookie, I'm going through the same struggles as you, yes I do have to fight myself to eat this ice cream and I know I'm going to throw it back up later but is that the point? No the point is progress, eating more and more each day is progress," Melanie says. I look down, the chocolate did look pretty good. I lick it, I had really missed the taste of chocolate ice cream. "There you go," Melanie smirks.

"Today, I said I wouldn't jump, what if I did, right in front of you?" I ask, "well, I would've cried, but then again, you don't need a heart to cry. Would I have given a shit? Yes, I would've, your a good kid, and it's people like you that gives my tears meaning when I see them die." I nod, "you've told me your story, do you want to hear mine?" I ask, Melanie smiles and nods. I explain my story to her, and after it all she just hums. "Your story is much different to the image you hold," Melanie says.

"The image I hold?" I ask, "just being with Taehyung's group means that people think you have a perfect life, better than their lives could ever be," Melanie explains, "parents love them, get them whatever they need or want, many friends blah blah blah," Melanie jokes. I giggle, "I can tell you now that you and I aren't much different," Melanie says, eating the last of her ice cream.

We end up talking for two hours, "before you go, what should I do?" I ask, "about what?" Melanie asks in return. "About my friends," I mumble, Melanie shrugs, "I don't know, your the first person I've really opened up to after my other friend I told you about committed suicide," Melanie admits. "I live with the voices in my head, go about unnoticed and you know what? It isn't as bad as people think, but after a while it does start to suck being stuck inside your own head." I nod, "take my advice Kookie, don't push them away, I know the voice in your head 'knows best' but sometimes it doesn't hurt to ignore it. Your heart can make some pretty good choices too," Melanie says.

She gets up and walks away, leaving me once again without an explanation, I look up to the sky, the Sun had set long ago. Start glisten, and my eyes shine, I touch my arms, feeling all the cuts out in the open. I hadn't even realised I didn't have my jumper on. I get up off the grass and walk home, trying to keep myself warm. I get into the house, I could hear arguing coming from upstairs again. "WHERE IS OUR SON THEN?" I hear my father scream, "PROBABLY AVOIDING YOUR FUCKING BEATINGS!" My mother rebuttals. I sigh and walk up stairs, go into my room and then into bathroom. I go to the toilet and make myself throw up, "no calories bitch," I say to the food as I flush it.