Suicide

7

I wake up to the sound of my alarm clock going off. I check my phone, I had a few text messages from my friends, I just turn my phone screen off. I was no longer going to be a burden on them, call out for help as soon as something goes wrong. I didn't want to but, I knew they were tired of me, getting sick of how needy I've been since I've opened up to them. I knew I shouldn't have stopped running, I knew I shouldn't have opened up to them. I've been alone for the past 17 years of my life, I can be alone again. 

I do my usual morning routine except this time I took my time, only leaving the house at 6. I walk down the icy streets, my hood covers my identity. I didn't go to the coffee shop or the park, I just walked down the street, letting my legs take me where they needed to go. I look across the street while walking and see Mark and Jimin. What took me by surprise was when Jimin pecked Mark's cheek. It took all my self control not to take a whole bunch of pictures and send them to Hoseok.

I walk into school at around 7, making sure to be early so I wouldn't have to run into Taehyung, so then he wouldn't feel like he'd have to talk to me. "There you go, your finally not such a burden on everyone," the voice in my head says, satisfied with my decision. I lock myself in a bathroom stall until I hear the first bell goes. I walk out, avoiding all the busy halls and taking the longest route. I only make just make it to class just as the second bell rings, the teacher gives me a sketchy look because he technically couldn't give me a detention for being late.

I throw my bag on the floor and sit in my seat, looking out the window as the teacher explains something or another. I would've fallen asleep if someone hadn't slammed a work sheet down in front of me. I jump and look at who gave it to me, it was Yoongi, I had forgotten he was in this class. Yoongi smirks at me jumping. I smile weakly but, inside I was dying. I don't think I've a full nights worth of sleep in ages, it was finally starting to come back to bite me.

The bell for first break dismisses us, I pick up my things and basically run out the classroom, ignoring Yoongi and Namjoon's calls. I just keep walking until I was on the roof. I sit down and dangle my legs over the edge. "You could end it all," someone says from behind me. I turn around, it was a girl, she had dyed one side of her hair black and the other side salmon pink. "You could, no one's stopping you," the girl says, referring to before. I look out, it was a pretty long drop, it would kill me with impact. "Or, you could stay and see this one through," she says.

"Who are you?" I ask, turning around the girl walks up and sits beside me. "I'm Melanie, Melanie Martinez," she introduces herself. I nod, "I'm Jungkook, Jeon Jungkook," I introduce. "I know, the whole school is talking about you, the new kid who somehow made it into the most popular group without even trying." I look back out. "So why are you sitting up here? Where's your friends?" Melanie asks. "I-I felt like I was..." I trail off, wondering if I should tell her or not.

"You feel like your a burden to them? And your scared that being around them you feel like they're not enjoying themselves as much?" Melanie guesses. "Y-yes, how did you..." I trail off, looking at her. Melanie turns her head to look at me, "relax Kookie, before I moved to this school I was feeling how you are feeling right now," Melanie rolls her eyes. She looks down, "h-how did you deal with it then?" I ask. Melanie looks back at me. "Do you want me to be honest?" She asks, I nod.

"I didn't." The words cut through the air and then going stale. "I didn't have the chance to tackle these feelings. I had to move to this shit show," Melanie jokes. I roll my eyes and smile, "tell me about it," I add. "But if I did stay, I probably would've shut out the voice in my head, telling me to cut, telling me to starve, telling me to end it all, telling me I'm not good enough. I guess I wasn't strong enough, maybe if I'd stayed..." I looked down again. "Why are you telling me this?" I ask, "because I can see your struggling too, I see it in your eyes, you smile but your hurting," Melanie says. I just nod and look down.

"W-what happened, why did you move?" I ask. "My mother got sick of it, completely blew a fuse, it was kinda funny actually, she said she was sick of my father and the depressing town we used to live. She divorced my father and left, taking me with her," Melanie sighed. I look over, "I... I don't want to over step but, what did your father do that was so bad to make your mother leave him?" I ask. "Abusive, he was very abusive, not just physically but, mentally and verbally as well," Melanie says. I feel like my eyes doubled in size.

"Y-your father is abusive?" I gasp, Melanie nodded, "it's not unheard of pretty boy," Melanie sighed. "Not everyone's home life is perfect like yours," Melanie continued. "N-no, no, no, I didn't mean it like that! It's... I..." I couldn't get the words out. Melanie looks at me sideways, I lower my head before looking at her again. "My father is abusive too," I finally say. Melanie nods her head.

"W-why did you say to me that I could end it all, before?" I ask. Melanie looks at me and smiles but, her eyes were filled with so much pain. "Because, someone said that to me once, he came up to me and opened up to me and I opened up to him, I told him what I was really feeling and he told me about what he had been through. He committed suicide a few months after that, he left me a note saying that I had opened his eyes, showed that he wasn't the only one feeling his way. Really touching, then he told me, just one word could save someone's life, I guess it took me a while to find out he meant by that. But then I saw you, and it reminded me of what I must've looked like to him."

I nod and look back out. "So, what are you going to do?" She asks, "end it all here, never have to go home only to be beaten and then repeat again, never have to have the tired feeling on your shoulders ever again." I look further out, "I won't judge if you jump right now," Melanie says, as if it was no big deal. "Or, you could sit tight and see through, see what life still has to give," Melanie says. I look at her, "jump or not, I won't judge, I barely know you but hey, there are people down there who do, and it may not seem like it but there are people down there who care."