Back from the Brink (Book 2 of Arrow/SPN Crossovers)

Resignation Part 3

Sam wasn't sleeping, he had been trying to but it wasn't happening. The longer and longer the meal and socializing had gone on the more and more frustration and pain he felt. Here he was cooking, laughing and moving on all the while his brother suffered. It wasn't right. The demons that had sent Dean there were still on the loose. The pressure on him was building, he knew that Azazel's plan was still moving forward, whatever it was. Maybe if he stopped that plan he could find some way to get Dean back, or if it came to it and he ran across demon- Dean he could kill him and put him out of his misery. The more and more  he'd  thought about things it had become clear to him that the tables had turned. Instead of Dean having to kill him to save him from the demon blood he would have to kill Dean to save him from being a full blown demon. How would he ever be able to pull the trigger? The Impala should be here soon and he was thinking about just leaving. He was wasting time here. His phone rang, it was Bobby. He had forgotten to call him, he got ready for another scolding.

"Hi Bobby, I was just going to call you," he said, trying to appease Bobby before he got up speed.

"Don't lie to me. You forgot. That's not what I am calling about. Don't do it." 

He was a bit confused. "Do what?"

"Leave. I know what you're thinking. You've never been able to not be an idjit when it came to your family, same as your Dad and Dean. So don't do it."

"What the hell Bobby, are you psychic now?" He couldn't lie, Bobby knew him too well.

"Ha! No I was just thinking you might be getting restless and figured I'd throw you off your game. How's the place you're at now?"

He gave in."It's nice. I did a lot of thinking today. Actual thinking. I realized a lot of things about Dad and Dean and how I was a pretty selfish, needy kid. I never looked at how hard things had to be on him trying to hunt and raise two kids. Dad was how he was because he had to be. The reason I fought with Dad so much was that when he came back it was like he took Dean away from me. That sounds so stupid now. I couldn't stand how Dean always did what Dad said without once questioning him, I get it now. There was a lot of other things that came up. I sort of had a breakdown, there was someone here that just sat and listened the whole time. I needed to just let it all out I guess."

Bobby heard something in Sam's voice that he had never heard from any Winchester, acceptance of fate, at least a little bit. It gave him some hope. "That's good. You've been wound up pretty tight for a long time." He wanted to encourage that spark of acceptance.

"I've been thinking a lot about Dean too. If he breaks you know they'll send him after me just for kicks if nothing else. I don't know if I can do it. How can I kill Dean?" His voice started shaking, not with sorrow but with rage. "Why Bobby? Why does it have to be like this?"

That little bit of hope Bobby was feeling, it slipped away. "Your family has a history of making bad deals, they just keep snowballing and you're at the bottom of the hill. You're getting all the shit from everyone else caring too much."

"You keep saying that but how are we not supposed to care? What's the point of family if you just leave people to die?" His control was rapidly failing him.

"Sam, stop!! Breathe ! You're losing it." Bobby's voice cracked like a whip and Sam instinctively reacted to it. He took some deep breaths, when Bobby heard his breathing evening out he started talking again.

"Sam, explain to me right now how Dean burning in hell is a better option than you being dead peacefully."

"Other than the part where I'm dead?" He snapped.

"Don't snap at me boy! You know what I am saying. If Dean had just accepted that you had died there would be much less suffering on both your parts. You know it, you won't admit it. Sure he saved you're life, but at what price? Now both of you are suffering. If he had accepted that death is part of life, buried you and made his peace with it neither of you would be suffering.