still holding on | a boys over flowers fanfiction

what happened to the person i loved?

I sat on my bed and thought. School started in three hours, and all I wanted to do was think. I stared at the ceiling and sighed. Ever since Yi-Jeong saw me in the park, he hasn't been to school. My heart felt heavier than ever, and I couldn't figured why. The way I talked to him, the way I demanded information out of him; the way I cried in front of him and let him hug me. All of them had no meaning whatsoever. It was like he was just another shoulder to cry on. I turned to my door. Three swift and quick knocks were sounded.

"So-Young, get ready for school." It's Mom, I thought to myself.

Would she be able to help me? I yelled before she could get farther away.

"Eomma!" I yelled. The footsteps stopped and my door was opened. My mother stood between the wall and the small crack she created.

"I need your advice." She sat on my bed and pushed my hair back.

"You look so pale," She stared at me with her youthful brown eyes. "What happened to make you look so ill?" I slouched and fixed my tight t-shirt. I stared at my hands and look at all the crease marks.

"Am I meant for love?" I asked her. She stopped playing with my hair and put her hand down.

"Come again?"

"Why does the first time I trust someone, end up in such a foul situation?" I whispered. She pulled my hands to her and squeezed them lightly.

"So-Young," I stayed quiet. "Did you fall in love?" I waited a while before nodding slowly. She hugged me tightly and wrapped her arms around my torso like rope. I hugged her back and let quiet tears fall down my face.

"I've never been this sad since dad left," I mumbled, as if I wasn't crying at all. "How could a boy make me so depressed to the point where I cry every time I think of his face?" She hugged me tighter to her body and sighed.

"It's not that honey." She said soothingly. "If someone has that type of that impact on you, it's not bad. It's nothing to be ashamed of So-Young." She said into my hair.

"Then why? Everywhere I go, it feels like my heart is slowly eroding away."

"His heart is probably doing the same thing." She said. I thought about that.

"Tell me more." She says. I pull away from the hug and look at my quilted blanket.

"He used to want to bring me to expensive places, but I always said I wanted to go to the park or," I paused and felt my palm. "Ice-skating." I swallowed my spit and went on.

"He always cared for me. He gave me one of his gloves and put my other hand in his pocket. He brought me to places he wanted to go after we went where I wanted to. He used to wait for me when I went out alone, or watched me instead. He even got me a bracelet because he thought I would like it." I grabbed the bracelet off my nightstand and ran my thumb over the delicate weaving.

"He thought of me when he bought this." I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut, forcing my tears to spill out.

"I thought it was perfect, until it came crashing down right in front of me. For once, I thought I would actually be able to love again."

"So-Young," My mother carefully took off her necklace and held it in her hand.

"A boy before I met your father gave me this." She said, dangling the small diamond that hung on the chain.

"Why do you still wear it?" I asked. She looked to me with a toothless smile and held it in her two hands.

"Because he helped me learn how to love again. Just like you were talking about. It was if he was a messenger from the gods above. He didn't exactly love me. But he took time out his day to come see me, and always made sure to take care of me when I was hurt or stressed. He promised me that he would always be there even when I loved your dad. He resurrected the hole in my heart, from when I was truly heartbroken. If your father hadn't swooped in and stole me from him, I think I would've married that man instead." She said. I stared at the shimmering jewel.

"So what you are trying to say is," I paused.

"I'm trying to get to you that you don't always have to rely on one man before you start losing yourself. Your soulmate is one thing, and your true love is another. That man was my soulmate, and your dad was my true love." She snapped out of trance and took my hand.

"I want you to be happy, So-Young. And if you want that for yourself, you get what you want. You chase after him, or stay away if you have too. Just know if he is the one," She interlocked her fingers with mine.

"He won't run away when you are your weakest. If he truly loves you," She let go of my hand and put her necklace back on.

"Then he will do anything to protect you. Even if it means breaking him or you in the process." I stared at her long hair as she closed my door quietly. I stayed like for while, then gazed down at the bracelet. I studied it and hesitantly put it back down. I crawled out my bed and looked in the mirror. I look like I had just crawled out of my coffin. I fixed my hair and crooked shirt. I tried smiling, but that didn't work out as well as I thought it would. I slowly put on my uniform and fixed my hair. I left my hair behind my ears and put on a black headband. I slid on my sheer white tights and black flats, grabbing my backpack and heading out the door. I brushed my teeth vigorously and wiped my mouth. I went out into the hallways and grabbed a granola bar, putting up my hand.

"I'm leaving early," I swung my arm around my mom's shoulder in endearment and headed for the door.

"Have a good day sweetie." She said, putting her hand up.

I walked down the road eating my bar as the huge high-school came into view. I threw away my wrapper and wiped the crumbs off my mouth. I hung onto my backpack straps tightly as I looked around. Only a couple students were around. No chance I would be seeing F4 again. I turned the corner and stopped quickly. Yi-Jeong was leaning against the wall, looking over something. I looked closer and it was the bracelet. I felt mine in my blazer pocket and dropped my hand when he began walking my way. I walked out of the shadows, now staggering toward the building. He came toward my right side, as I did as well. When we crossed paths, we both stopped. After a short while I looked over at him as his face remained cold and stone-faced. He looked at me, but his eyes weren't the same warm ones I once loved.

"Yi-Jeong," I began. I was about to say something when he turned his head. I was about to grab his wrist to stop him from leaving so I could talk to him with seriousness, but instead I took my hand away before it reached him. He pushed past me and continued down, without another word. I brought my hand up to my beating heart and watched as he walked down.

"Yi-Jeong." I whispered.

Where did you go?