Daydreaming {Dantana}

five

My whole body was itching when I woke up. I shot a glance in the direction of my alarm clock to see it was 3:50.

Honestly I can't remember a full night of sleep in the last 7 month. Every time, the same nightmare... I can't stand it anymore.

I ran my hand through my hair as I pressed my other hand to my chest, catching my breath. I was sweating. I laid back down and tried to fall back to sleep, but I couldn't close my eyes. Every time I closed them I saw her face. But not her beautiful, smiling, shining face, but a face of terror and fear.

I rolled to the other side of the bed, trying to find comfort in the place she used to lay, but instead I found cold sheets and emptiness.

I can't do this anymore.

I kicked the thin and sticky blanket away from me and stood up, rubbing my eyes as her face appeared in my mind again. I needed air.

I left my room and saw the light of the TV coming from the living room. Frowning to myself, I quietly walked over there, wrapping my arms around myself as a hug I knew I won't be receiving.

"Kurt?" I asked when I saw him sitting in front of the TV, watching some cartoons with a mug of some hot beverage between his hands.

"Santana," he adjusted me, muting the TV and turning his attention to me now. "Shit, did I wake you up?"

I shook my head no as I leaned into the doorframe, curling into myself. "I wish."

"Nightmares," he more stated than asked, but I just nodded my head in response. "Well, there's tea in the kitchen, grab a mug and come here." He said nodding towards the empty space next to him on the couch.

Usually, I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't just sit drinking tea with my annoying roommate at 4 am. But I guess, I'm not really the same person since the incident.

"Why are you awake?" I asked crashing next to him with the mug in my hands. It's warmth against my palm comforting me a little bit. "It's like, 4 in the morning."

"Blaine and I had this stupid fight over the phone and I couldn't really fall asleep since then." He shrugged, I only nodded. For a second, there was silence between us, and it was nice. We were curled under a fluffy blanket with our mags of tea, blankly staring into the colorful screen. But that nice moment was cut off when all of a sudden the scream blackened, and when I looked at Kurt I saw the remote in his hands, he turned the TV off. "What's on your mind?"

"Her." I answered simply, the answer he already knew.

"Say her name, Santana." He insisted. I didn't want to say her name, every time I talked about her it just became more real that she's really gone, and I hated that.

"Dani." I ended up saying, flinching at hearing her name coming out of my own mouth. I heard him sigh, and a second later his arm was wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me to lean against his body.

"What about Dani?" He asked.

"I don't know I just..." I shrugged, although I knew exactly what I was thinking about. The same thought for 7 months. The first thought that crossed my mind the second I knew she was gone. "Why?" I ended up saying, the one word that's been in the back of my mind for 7 months. Why did she do it? Why?

Kurt sighed, but that's only because he had nothing to say. Of course he hadn't, we are all clueless.

"Do you think.... Do you think it's because of me?" I asked quietly, avoiding any eye contact.

"I'm 100% sure it is not because of you." He answered immediately.

"I don't know Kurt. No one knows why she did it. It seemed like everything was alright and the day after I find my girlfriend lying lifeless on the bathroom floor." I said, wiping the first tear that escaped my eye. "People don't just kill themselves, there's a reason, and none of us knows why she did it."