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Gia's POV
I went into the guest room and closed and locked the door. I was so angry at the fact that he would even say those things to me. I didn't know what to do with myself. I hadn't been this angry in a long time and the last time I was this upset was at Randy when we were together. I honestly felt I needed to get out of the situation before it got any worse.
I sat on the bed and started thinking to myself, I'm trying sabotaging myself again. I need to chill...I have to stop all of this.... How did I even get here? I look down at my left hand, I'm married? I don't even know how I got here. I feel like I have been asleep these past 4 years of my life and I'm just now waking up and finding out I'm married and pregnant. Where have I been these last 4 years?
I was so frustrated with the situation, all I wanted to do was leave and go home to Chicago to gather my thoughts. It's always something I do to get myself together and to bring myself back to reality but it seems Joe is not going to let me because I've gotten myself into a marriage somehow and I don't think that there's a way to get out of this without hurting him. Yes, he means a lot to me but there's so much he doesn't know and I don't know if he's up for dealing with the issues that I have. He doesn't even have the time to deal with me and my issues when he has a whole career to worry about.
This is one reason I felt so connected to Randy. He knew about the things that I've gone through and the things that I have been going through and what I struggle with on a day-to-day basis. We have so much in common as far as things within ourselves that needed to be addressed and when I was with Randy, we both were forced to deal with those issues and help each other. Unfortunately, his became bigger than him and he couldn't deal with it and this is the result. I don't want those problems for Joe, he's a good guy. Yeah he loves me but he just doesn't understand what's going on here.
I could possibly lose his baby if I don't get my shit together. I can't do that to him again, I can't do that to us again. I'm terrified that if something that tragic happens to us again we will not survive it and I think the fallout will be worse then it was the first time.
I almost feel like I should have kept my daughter in St. Louis with my sister because I just don't want her to be around all of this. Yeah I married him and we're stable with no issues but I tried my hardest to keep her shielded from any negativity as far as my relationships go. Joe is definitely a huge part in this because they have an amazing relationship but it seems things aren't working out and I don't know what I'm going to do if we do decide to separate. Neither one of them are going to take it well.
Joe's POV
I don't know why she was doing this. She went and locked herself in the guest room and she's been in there for hours now. She always wants to run from a situation, she never really wants to face anything that she's dealt with. It's been this way ever since we met. I don't know why that is, it's not like I'm going to treat her any differently or scold her for doing something wrong. I'm going to try to work with my wife to get through whatever it is.
I know it was a mean thing to say but it's the truth she has been different and I do believe it's because she was with Randy. Somehow and someway he's changed her and I don't necessarily think it's for the better or the worst, she's just not the same person. I'm honestly willing to try to find out whatever it is, if it's something bothering her or if it's something she's going through I'm willing to help her get through it but she needs to tell me what's going on.
Gia has always been a little mysterious to me and I never fully understood why she did and said some of the things that she has done and said to me in the past and this whole running away thing is nothing new to me. I just wish she would face whatever it is and stop trying to run all the damn time. I wonder if she did this when she was with Randy?
I refuse to have another failed marriage under my belt and I definitely refuse to have this marriage fail in less than a month of us being married. I tried to work on my marriage with Galina, I tried any and everything I could do. My first marriage just didn't work and when I met Gia, in my eyes, she was someone who made me a better person when we met and started hanging out. Somehow she drew me in and I just couldn't shake her. I was in a deep depression from the pressure of everything at work and in my personal life and she pulled me out of there. I almost feel like I owe her because she did that for me. I've always felt this weird connection to her like she was the only one who could fix me. I've never felt this with anyone else and that's why I feel like I need to hold on to her. I'm not going to lose her again, I don't know if I will be able to come back from that.
I went and stood outside the room where Gia was. I felt bad for the things I said to her. I knew I was right in feeling that way but maybe I should've said it differently. I knew something was wrong and I wanted to fix it, I just don't think she wanted to see or talk to me. I wanted to knock on the door but I knew she wouldn't open it. I went to check on Cassie and she was sound asleep in her bed. I sat down in the hallway, outside the guest room. It was killing me that I didn't know what was going on. Was she going to leave me again?
She always had a way of making me feel like I shouldn't feel the way I felt because it hurt her or my feelings were just flat out wrong. I know this sounds manipulative but she doesn't manipulate me into doing things to benefit her... Does she? I'm so confused.
Gia's POV
I ended up falling asleep in the guest room. This was the first time since Joe and I have been back together that we didn't sleep in the same bed. I woke up feeling a sense of sadness. I just felt like crying. I didn't want to start my day, I just wanted to lay in bed.
When I was able to get up enough energy, I went into mine and Joe's room but he wasn't there. I took a shower and put on clothes and headed towards the kitchen.
I found Joe asleep the couch in the living room. I guess he couldn't sleep in our bed either. I sat in the chair opposite of him watching him sleep. After a few minutes he woke up.
Sitting up, "Hey."
"You couldn't sleep in our bed?"
"No, not without you." He says.
I smile a little, "We need to talk."
"Gia I don't want to hear anything else about a lawyer. We're not getting the marriage annulled, I don't want to hear that bullshit."
"I wasn't going to say that. I was going to talk to you about some of the things that I've been going through for a while."
"Okay, like what? I already know something's going on with you and you just won't talk to me." He says.
"I know we've know each other for years but there's some things I haven't completely opened up to you about."
"Okay, what's up?"
"I wasn't completely honest about what's going on with Randy."
"What do you mean you weren't honest?" He asks.
"I know what's going on with him. He's been dealing with it for a while and I've been trying to help him for the last year and a half."
