Dear God

Chapter 23

Leana's POV

I am so overwhelmed right now. I sat down on the porch swing looking over the ocean. I held the letter that is from my late husband. I know I need to read this but I'm so scared too. Come on Leana don't be a chicken shit. I sat there holding the letter from Jimmy looking out at the ocean.

'Baby if you can hear me help me. I don't know if i can do this. I just want you back. I need you so much.' I said quietly to Jimmy. All of the sudden I felt warmth all around me...Jimmy. Just feeling and believing that he is with me gives me the strength to open and read his letter to me. I pulled my knees up under me. As I opened the letter I could feel myself getting emotional. I unfolded it and took a deep breath and began.

Leana my wonderful sexy wifey.

If you're reading this then I’m no longer with you. All I can say is I am so so sorry. Ever since I met you I knew we were going to be together. You and I are the definition of perfection. We are crazy fun and know how to make everyone laugh. We know each other so well and are so much alike. Baby you’re my soul mate and the day that we got married was honestly the best and most perfect day in my life. Even better than the day the band got signed. Better than the day we won our first award.

I know you haven't laughed in a while. Babe you need to live laugh and most of all love. I know that I left you alone in this world. For that I am so very sorry. I never wanted that to ever happen baby you are my life. I never wanted anyone other than you. The time that we did have was the best time in the world.

So I have a present for you. Honey I went to a doctor that is very well known and very private. He has everything for you to have our baby, that is if you still want to have our baby.

I know we talked about it and were going to start trying after Matt and Val's wedding. I wasn't sure how much time I would have with you so I went to him so that you would be able to when you were ready. You can have as many of our children as you want! I know that everyone will help you with our children and they will love them too.

Remember to teach them music, tell them all of the crazy things we did. I know this a big decision and I think that Tari will be the person to help you talk it through, with her being the only one that has been widowed.

Baby I loved you so much. I’m always with you and when your time comes I will be there waiting for you. I love and miss you so much. Be strong my love, live again.

Love always and forever

Your Jimbo

OH Jimmy. Why now baby? I sat there crying about what he wrote I couldn’t believe he would do this. At the bottom of the letter there was the doctor’s name and address. If he thought for one minute that I would refuse this beautiful gift he was crazier than I ever thought. It will have to wait until we get back from tour. I think that will be the best. I need to see if this helps or makes things worse for me.

I don’t know how long I was sitting outside just looking out at the ocean. Wishing Jimmy was here with me, when I heard the door slide open.

“Lea you okay sweetie?” Tari asked.

“I don’t know.” I sniffed really I wasn’t sure. I don’t know what to do. I felt Tari sit gently next to me.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked. I know I do because if I don’t I will go crazy.

“Here this is what he wrote to me.” I said handing her the letter.

“Are you sure you want me to read it?”

“Yes then I don’t have to.” She read his letter to me quietly.

“He really did it? Do you want too?” She asked.