Dear God

Chapter 18

Almost 2 months you all have waited for this update.  I hope you are all still reading this.  Please let me know you are still reading by commenting and voting.  Thank you for waiting and being patient with me.

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Leana and I left the doctor's office barely able to contain our excitement. I was so afraid that I would need to be away from Brian. I know it's only a few months but I just didn't think that I could be apart from him and my sons for longer than a few nights. Once the doors were shut to the car we both let out our excitement.

“I am so relieved she said I could go.” I nearly screamed as I hugged her.

“I am too.” She said her voice lined with sadness. I knew what was wrong.

“Sis please come with us. I know it will be hard but you will have your entire family around to help you.”

“I couldn't handle seeing someone else behind Jimmy's drums....”

“Leana, Arin won't be using Jimmy's drums. Brian said that wouldn't happen. Plus Matt had a new bunk put in the bus for him. The guys agreed that no one will use Jimmy's bunk but you. I think you going with would help you.” I told her while holding her hands. She looked like she was confused about what I said.

“I am not sure Tari. I'm scared.”

“Let's make a deal. You come and if it gets too much then when we come back for my treatment you can stay and I won't argue about it.” I hope she says yes. She really needs this. I know that it took me a very long time and leaving Ireland to ease the pain of losing Ky.

“How did you manage to move on after Ky died?” And there is the elephant.

With a heavy sigh I answered. “After he died I was pretty much the same as you. I wanted nothing to do with any memory of him. And it made it harder having to look and take care of Alec. He looks so much like Ky even as a baby. Well one day about a month after Ky died, I was at the market and ran into Steve. He use to work with Ky so I already knew him. After a while I decided that I would accept his offer for a date. Soon he asked me to marry him with the promise of moving to America. I knew this was the best way to move on. But I will tell you that even though I married him not even six months later, I never was in love with him. I thought that marrying Steve and coming to America would help me to move on, I was wrong. I wasn't allowed to speak or have any type of memories about Ky. I had to mourn in private and if he found me crying about Ky it was bad. I never loved Steve at all because I was not allowed to grieve properly. With Brian I can talk to him about Ky and he has no problems listening to me. We even have pictures of Ky in our home, Brian honors Ky. I have been able to grieve like I was suppose to and should have when he died so I have been able to move on properly and I am happy again. But the best part is I am IN LOVE with Brian, and still have my love for Ky. But Leana it has taken a very long time for me to move on and be happy. I truly believe that if I had done all of my grieving by reliving the good and happy memories I had with Ky I would have been able to move on a lot quicker than I did. I don't know if that makes any sense but please think about coming with us.” I was hoping that I made some sense to her.

“Yes it makes sense and I'll think about it.” She said as she started the car and headed to my house. This is good I sure hope she will come with us. I know she is hurting right now but she needs her family around her to help.

We rode in silence to my home, as we pulled into the driveway about an hour later. I saw everyone's cars including Brian's. Good I can give the news to everyone at once. We got out of the car and started walking up the path, when Leana stopped me.