Falling for Harry Styles

Chapter 40

It had been a month since it happened. A month since my life changed. A month since the first time I got drunk and only a day since my last. There’s not much I could tell you about the drunken, hung-over muddled days of the past few weeks. All I can remember is going to work nearly drunk almost every day and trying to go back to Uni and failing due to a lack of the ability to focus or care. I talked to my scholarship director and, despite me being extremely hung-over, she was understanding and gave me the semester off with no repercussions. The only reason I’m not drunk now is the lack of liquor in the flat and having no desire to change out of my pajamas.

I heard Harry’s bedroom door open and his feet padding down the stairs. He came into view wearing a plain white t-shirt with a pair of grey joggers and his hair tucked into a beanie. “Haz,” I whined, “We’re out of alcohol. Will you go get more?”

“No.” I shot him a look as he stopped behind the other end of the couch with is hands in his pockets. “I’m cutting you off.”

My eyebrows cocked up and my arms crossed, “What gives you the right?”

His expression was serene, “I’m your best friend and I can.”

I stood and walked around the couch, stopping in front of him with my arms still crossed, “Why?”

“Because you’re being ignorant,” he said it almost annoyed.

“Oh ignorant, that’s a big word Harry,” I said it with an unamused chuckle. “Don’t you know ignorance is bliss?”

“Is it really Natalie?” his tone was bitter, “Is it bliss when your ignorance is pain to everyone else around you?”

“Would you like to explain to me how my ‘ignorance’-" I put air quotes around it- “is pain to everyone else?”

He scoffed pulling his hands from his pockets, “The fact that you don’t even know… Do you think I like watching you come home drunk every night? Do you think I like watching you drink more when you do come home? Do you think I like hearing you puking the next morning? Do you think I like catering to you when you’re hung-over?”

“Oh sorry Harry, I didn’t realize I was such a bother.”

He huffed out a breath, “It’s not even about that…” he shook his head and started to walk past me.

I stepped in front of him and raised my hands to stop him. “Wait-” I was cut off by a hiss and him flinching once my hands came in contact with his side. He took a half step back and pursed his lips with a slightly pained expression on his face. Concern started to ebb into my mind, “Haz… What’s wrong?”

He just shook his head and hovered his hand over his side. I reached forward and lifted his shirt, “Natalie-” he tried to protest but my gasp cut him off. There was a big baseball sized bruise to the left of his belly button.

“What the hell happened?”

He chuckled, “You don’t remember…” It wasn’t a question but I shook my head anyway. “You can be a violent drunk.”

I looked up into his eyes with my mouth hanging open. I put my fist up to it and immediately yanked it back once I realized it fit perfectly. “I did that?” I asked a little breathlessly, as I was unable to fully grasp hurting Harry like that. He nodded, “Haz I-”

“It’s fine,” he said ripping his shirt out of my hand and pulling it down, avoiding my eyes.

Something in me snapped at the way he said it and I could feel tears starting to make themselves' known, “No it isn’t!” I shouted a little louder than I intended. “I’m sorry okay… I’m sorry,” I was hysterical as I took a few steps away from him, holding myself in a hug. “I’ll stop I-I promise… I’ll stop.”

“Hey, hey,” he pulled me into a hug, “I understand, you’re in a tough place right now, it’s alright.”

“But I can’t take it out on you,” I sniffed as I held him, “That’s not fair.” We were silent like that for a moment. “I think… I think I should see a therapist.”

“Do you think that it will help?”

“It couldn’t hurt.”

“I can go with you tomorrow if you’d like?”

“No… Uh… I think this is something I should do on my own Haz.”

“Okay, if you’re sure?”

I hesitated a moment before I pulled away nodding, “Yeah… yeah, I’m sure. I’m going to go take a bath.”

“Alright. Would you like some tea or something?”

“No, I want to relax and tea won’t help me do so.”

He chuckled, “Okay then. Oh hey do you remember me telling you about celebrating my birthday?”

My eyes went wide and I licked my lips, “Was I drunk?” he nodded, “Then no.”

“Saturday, we’re going to the bar.” I smirked at him. “What?! The lads are forcing me. Frankly I don’t want to go out and celebrate at all.”

“Oh c’mon Haz! You’re turning twenty!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah” he faked annoyance waving me away, “go take your bath,” he smiled light and teasing.

I smiled back as I said a silent thanks to whatever God has been looking out for me. I’m a mess at the moment, but I still have a best friend that cares about me even though I don’t deserve him. I still can’t believe I hurt him physically like I did and I have promised him and myself I will stop drinking. I’m hoping therapy will help make that easier and help make the pain that still clutches my chest go away; only time will tell and frankly I’m looking forward to tomorrow.