29 Lessons I Learned the Hard Way

Lesson 15

Lesson 15. How to Find a Phone Thief 

I have a big family.  I have four sibling and when you add in my parents and myself there are seven of us total.

Every Sunday after church my family and I go out for lunch. We don’t go anywhere fancy, usually it’s just Wendy’s or McDonalds, but I cherish this time each Sunday.

Now, when we go out to eat there is always one problem that must be remedied – The table size.

Why are tables at fast food restaurants always made to seat two people??

Do they really think their restaurant is the top pick for couple to go out on dates??

“Oh hey, I really like you and I want to take you somewhere nice to eat. So let’s go to Wendy’s!”

No. Any girl who is taken to Wendy’s or McDonalds for their first date, I am so so sorry for you.

Anyway, tables at fast food restaurants are only made to seat two people, and in our family there are seven, so unless we all want to sit at separate tables something has to be done. This is where my job comes in.

Every time we go out to eat I am armed by my father (with antibacterial wipes) and charged to set up a table, this is a more grueling process then one would think.

First I must find an acceptable place to sit, (Not next to other people they tend to be irritated by the volume at which we speak) not underneath a fan (My mom is always freezing cold) and not at table with spinning chairs (there are bound to be fights over who sits in them).

 Once I find a table that meets all the requirements I must find three more tables that I can drag over.

And so the task begins.

I pick up tables and fling chairs around like a power lifter until finally there are seven chairs around a long rectangle shaped table formed by shoving four square tables together.

But I am not done yet.

Now I whip out the antibacterial wipes and wipe down the table.

Still not done.

Next I must get napkins for each person’s spot on the table where they will eat.  (Since we don’t have room for seven trays at the table, we put down a napkin at each place where you can spill out your chicken nuggets and French fries without fearing that they will be ‘polluted’ by the table.)

Then I get two ketchup packets for each person, a straw and extra napkins because someone is bound to spill their soda or ketchup before the meal is done.

All this must be done in the time that it takes my parents to order the meals and carry them over to the table.

 I am a super ninja.

Anyway, the other day I was pulling tables together, per usual, I had my phone in one hand and it was making it hard to pick up the chairs so I put it down on the table I had just dragged over and then grabbed the other chair over.

Once I had finished setting up everything, I sat down and waited for my family to come over.

Across from our table diagonally was another family that was eating together. They had three kids and the youngest daughter was staring at me in alarm.

Her staring was creepy me out so I looked down and pretended that the table was very interesting to me.

Suddenly I heard her cry out to her mom “MOM! She took your phone!”

I looked over amused at the girl, was she talking about me?

I smirked and looked back down at the table but saw out of the corner of my eye the girl’s mother grab her purse from off the floor and start rifling through it obsessively. I watched in confusement.

“It’s not here!” I heard the mother say in distress.

Suddenly five pairs of eyes whipped across the room and stared burning at me, and more importantly the phone I held in my hand.

Seriously!??!! They thought I stole their mom’s phone!??!

I stared back at them in disbelief before holding up my phone and flashing them a glance at the back of my phone case.

Navy blue with little white anchors on it. They realized it wasn’t their phone.

Instantly they all looked down at their table and acted like nothing had happened. I was still shaking my head when my mother walked over with the food.

“What happened?” she asked

“Nothing, apparently my J-crew dress and preppy outfit makes me look like a thief.” I laughed

However, I realize I shouldn’t be laughing at them. Maybe they knew something I didn’t know. I don’t watch the news a lot, so maybe there are an alarming number of preppy teenage girls out there stealing phones now-a-days. Perhaps I should thank them for warning me of this new thief type.

Not at least when I see a preppy girl sitting with an iPhone and mine is missing I won’t instinctively count her out of the prospective thief list, I’ll keep her on.

Lesson Learned:   

Watch out for preppy girls, they like to steal your phones.