Fighting For Survival.

chapter 21

Chp 21

3 weeks passed now and Mike took about 5 more  chemo's from the last time, today we are at the hospital because he fell and he couldn't feel his leg, we are waiting for some results. The doctor came and he didn't look happy at all.

“I'm sorry to tell you that the cancer has spread through almost his whole body and it doesn't seem that chemo is helping.” Mike had a knowing face, like he knew or felt what was going on from before. And I had to ask,

“Why couldn't he feel his leg though?” the doctor looked down but then started explained

“Well about that, the cancer has spread to his leg too and that's why he couldn't feel it, because his good cells are almost gone.” My face absolutely changed, this was serious things are getting bigger, does this mean that Mike is nearing to the end?

“What can we do about it?” I asked again, well if chemo is not helping, I'm sure that there is something else they can do!

“The only way to help him a little is to amputate his leg, I'm sorry!” what?! isn't that like cutting it off, no they can't, Mike is already suffering enough! Sam came and hugged me and wiped my tears and whispered soothing things to me, I need to stop crying without noticing!

Mike's face was emotionless and he didn't say anything, I went on his bed and tried to hug him but he pushed me away.

“Mike-“ I tried to say,

“Out!” I know he wants to be alone but I want to help him! I tried again,

“But Mike listen-“

“Out, get out! All of you!” he screamed at us, tears started falling down my face again, Mike is changing! Sam grabbed mine and Liz's hand and got us out, all the guys came out too…I fell to the floor crying and Sam sat on the floor in front of me hugging me and I broke down

“Everything is bad! Everything! Isn't it enough that I lost my parents and now Mike, the only family left for me has cancer! All the pain he's passing from and now he has to go on with just one leg, it's all my fault! I made him take chemo!” I started breathing heavily and crying…

“Hey baby, shh calm down! Mike needs you right now, everything will fall into place and I'm here to help you!” I just couldn't handle it, I was having a panic attack.

“Sam, you idiot! She's having a panic attack, put her on the chair and go call a nurse!” I heard Liz say, finally someone with sense! Sam put me on the chair like she told him but he stayed with me and sent Ryan for the nurse…after a little the nurse came with an inhaler, I took 3 breaths out of it and started to calm down , Sam never left my side!

After about an hour I was fine and decided to go talk it out with Mike, he can't keep escaping from us or from the situation!

I entered his room and he was like we left him, staring at the white wall, doing nothing…

“Mike we need to talk!” he didn't respond, he didn't even move. I guess I will just talk and he will listen,

“Mike I know this is hard for you, but I think that it's better that you let them amputate your leg, I know it will be painful but it will save you!” he didn't even look at me but he said,

“Chemo therapy was supposed to save me too!” and he was right! It was supposed to make him feel better, it's all my fault, I made him take chemo! It's my fault! I just  got up and walked out, Sam kept calling my name but I kept walking outside, but Liz followed me this time.

“Jess wait up! Please wait up!” I stopped walking and turned around.

“What Liz?” everything was blurry because of the tears,

”What happened in there? Where are you going?”

“Everything is my fault Liz, everything!” and I continued to walk again, she continued to follow me

“Jess, come back here, you need us to help you, none of what happened is you fault!” but I just kept walking and finally she stopped following me.

I just want everything to be normal again! I want Jade with me and I wish that Mike doesn't have cancer! I want everything normal again! I sat on a bench and a girl sat next to me, she was about 17 years old and she didn't even have shoes on, she said

“Tough life huh? Crying it all out?” she said it with sarcasm, I decided to be nice.

“Yeah, I'm Jess, you?”

“It's Ava, my name is Ava and what's wrong?” I explained only a part of the story and she told me

“Well let me tell you something, I have a tough life too but do you see me crying about it? No! so If you wanna cry don't let anyone see you! Be strong on the outside!” and she got up and left, she's right! I went back to the hospital and Sam came running and gave me a hug but I kept walking and entered Mike's room, everyone followed.

He was still like before,

“Get up!” I said but he didn't even look at me,

“I said get up!” now I screamed, he still didn't move! He want this the hard way?...Okay, fine with me!

“Liz grab me a wheelchair we are going to the doctor to confirm on his leg!” Liz went for the wheelchair and Mike sat up immediately,

“What did you say? You are not gonna make me do that! You made me take chemo and look what at happened!”

“Yeah, yeah I know, it's my fault! You don't have to rub it in but if you don't do this you will die sooner, so you are gonna do this! End. Of. Story!” after that he didn't say anything else.

 Sam and Ryan helped him into the wheelchair and we went into the doctor's office and he told him that he agrees about the amputation and the doctor told him that they can do it now and Mike nodded, then all the guys went to hug him and Liz kissed him then he said to me

“Not gonna give me a hug now?!”  I went and hugged him so hard and whispered to him

“Stay strong, I 'll be right here when you come back!” he nodded and the nurses directed him to the OR.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~~*~~*~*