Before The Ravens Sing (✔️, EDITING)

Chapter 19: Putting Boys In Their Places Since Forever

When we pulled up to the main lot in front of the dorms of Anthabask, I had a new outlook on my future. I had a record deal, an impending tour after graduation, and my dreams of London were within my grasp. It would be bittersweet to say goodbye to my band again, but I knew in my heart that I would see them in no time.

By Christmas, the band would embark on their first stretch of their tour, hitting up small clubs across the West Coast; but, they would do it without me. It pained me to let go of Seth, when he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my neck. I clasped the back of his jean jacket, the jacket I had stitched all his favorite band patches on. I held onto it like it was a life raft and my only means of ever getting safely out of the ocean that was surrounding me.

I knew all eyes were on me and my band as we stood out in the bitter cold, locked in an embrace. Seth lifted his head from my neck and looked down into my eyes, "Picks, no matter what happens, know that I love you and I'll be back soon."

"I know Seth, just go out there and play your heart out. You deserve it." I looked over at the rest of the guys, who had already said their goodbyes. "You all deserve it. You are the best family a girl could ask for. I love the shit outta all of you!"

All I heard were the sounds of awes coming from the van, where they all stood waiting for Seth to say his final goodbye. I knew saying his goodbye would potentially devastate him again, but I felt better knowing that the guys would be there to pick up the pieces.

When the social worker loaded me into that ugly brown sedan with the Department of Social Services logo on the door, I saw Seth collapse on his porch, his face buried in his hands. As we drove away down the dirt road, away from Seth's house, I could see the faint hint of his back heaving. Maybe he shed tears as that car got smaller and smaller, the farther down the road it got. 

In one of our many recent bonding sessions, Mosh, had told me that the first few weeks after I was pulled away, Seth buried himself in his music and tried to fix his depression with a lot of booze. I never wanted my absence to cause Seth to become an alcoholic, so leaving him again worried me. I made Mosh swear on his mother's life that he would watch out for Seth. If he failed, he would have me to deal with.

Seth stroked my face with his hand, a fresh tattoo graced the back of it; a fresh tattoo that simply said Picks in fancy script. He had come back later that night after our declaration of feelings, the new tattoo bandaged and ready to be revealed. A homage to our history and our impending future.

He leaned in and ran his hand across my chin, brushing his lips across mine. "February," he whispered. 

He kissed me one last time, before he tore himself away from me; the apparent pain of leaving sitting hard across his face. I hoisted my duffle bag over my left shoulder and my acoustic case over my right, picking up my other guitar case in my hand and trudging into the dorm building.

"I love you, Picks. Give em' hell, babe," Seth shouted from the van, before he got in and I heard them drive away. 

Once inside the elevator, which I was surprised could even fit me and all my gear, I let out the breath that I had been holding. I ran my fingers over the silver and black ring that graced my finger. It felt like I was losing my family all over again. It felt like I was coming back here for the first time. The long walk to my dorm room seemed like it lasted forever. The hallway appeared to get farther and farther away as I walked down it, each step becoming torturous as I came closer to shedding tears.

My room door was ajar and I used my combat boot clad foot to nudge it open, revealing a waiting Paxton, who was currently sitting on my bed. I didn't need this right now.