Holding Onto You

Cancer

You wake up to your bed, which is more uncomfortable than usual. The sounds of beeping enter your ears and the smell of rubbing alcohol fills your nostrils. You sit up and feel sore. Your legs feel like they had been crushed in your sleep, and your arms replaced with jello. you wince at the sharp pain from your arm. you start to look around your dorm and find it is not how you had left it. There were machines, medicine cabinets, and doctor supplies. you finally realize this was not your dorm.
"How is she? Is she alright?" you hear a panicked voice say. The voice sounded familiar. Like one you have learned to love.
"Yes she is fine. Just, some injuries."
"What kind of injuries?" The voice said again. you could not hear much but soon enough, the door opened. you jumped. you saw a tall, thin man in a white lab coat. He had a stethoscope around his neck and a clipboard with papers in his hand. He let another man in. The man had pink hair peaking from a hat. When the man walked in, you felt embarrassment and love flow through your body. your heart began to pound. Like the drums he played. Another man followed. He was slightly taller and had brown hair. The doctor left and closed the door.
"Hey, are you okay? Tyler and I heard about your accident." The man with pink hair said.
"W-what happened?" you stutter. your voice raspy and sore.
"You were in an accident. Are you alright?" Tyler asks. Then you started to remember. The sounds. The feeling. The reason why you crashed. you started to feel sick. you finally answer his question.
"Y-yeah. Im fine. I guess."
"You dont sound fine," Josh replies.
"Well nothing is broken I dont think." you responded. your voice was raspy and your throat hurt. you placed my hand on your throat. Probably because of the screaming.
"H-how did you know I was in an accident?" you began to ponder.
"It was on the news," Tyler sounded as if he wasnt sure if he shouldve said that. you started to feel sick again. Now everyone knew you were in an accident. you were sure everyone must know by now. you looked at the clock on the counter. 2:53 AM. Maybe not everyone. Except the ones who stay up super late. Maybe.
"At least we heard so we could come to you," Josh said, trying to lighten the mood.
"Yeah," you tried to smile. "That was a good thing that came out of this." you smiled at them both, knowing that you may never had seen them again if it wasnt for the accident.
"Well, Ill give you two some time to talk if you want." Tyler said, breaking the silence.
"Sure," Josh responded. Tyler said his goodbye and left the room. you felt awkward knowing it was just Josh and you again. you were worried if the moment would happen again. you didnt even know if I wanted that moment again. Did you truly love him? Or did the moment just get to you?
"Are you sure your alright?" He finally said breaking the silence.
"I dont know anymore," you said. your tears started to come back. you tried to blink them away. They would not leave your eyes.
"Hey, whats the matter? Its alright, your gonna be fine," he said in a reassuring voice. you knew you would be fine. That wasnt the problem. you were just so flustered. you didnt know what to think. you tried to wipe your eyes. My eyes stung when you touched them. you had your eyes closed and you layed your hands down in your lap. Tears still going. you couldn't stop them. you slightly jump when you feel a thumb brush away your tears. The hand was on your cheek, and brushed your hair back. you open your eyes to see Josh. He looked like he was hiding something.
"(y/n), everything is going to be fine."
"Its not that," you blurted softly. you didnt mean for those words to come out.
"I...I just..." you started. you didnt know how to tell him. To tell him you loved him. But you didnt even know if it was true or not.
"Why dont you start by telling me what happened with the accident?" you thought that was a good idea. you could tell him everything. you looked at the clock. It was 3:01 in the morning. you guess they had brought you here as soon as it happened.
"Well. When I said I had to leave yesterday," you sighed. "My friend actually wasnt worried. She was sick. But she knew I was there."
"Then why did you leave?" He said curious.
"Well when you and Tyler went to talk outside the door, I heard him say, 'you cant just kiss a fan'. And I thought that all I was to you, was just a fan. A normal, everyday fan. So I stayed as long as a 'fan' would be allowed. I felt embarrassed and I thought that you didnt really mean to kiss me, and it was just the moment or something, I thought it would be awkward to stay after all that." you said. you could feel the tears coming back. Josh looked shocked and sad.
"Well, I shouldnt have kissed you like that, right then and there."  That part alone made you want to cry. you felt my heart start to sink.
" Im sorry. But your not just a fan to me. You are different. You really stand out."  your heart started to lift again. you were different. That meant a lot.
"Really?" you said. Disbelieving.
"Yeah. Your a funny, smart, beautiful, and talented person. Not everyone can be like you" he smiled. you felt a blush. He did a little to.
"Here," he handed you a slip of paper with a number on it.
"Its my number, I want you to text me when you get out and if the doctor tells you anything, okay? I just wanna be sure your alright."  He said it very sweetly. your heart fluttered.
"I will," you agreed with a smile. He smiled back and the doctor came in.
"Sir, if you dont mind to wait outside for a minute," the doctor said. His voice reminded me of Alton Brown. Though, he looked nothing like him.  
"I gotta go anyways, were supposed to have an interview at 11:00. We should get some rest. When you get out you should get some rest too," he said. He left as the doctor asked and said his goodbye. When he left, the doctor closed the door and sat in his chair.
"So, we appear to have a few, injuries." he started.
"What kind of injuries?" you said, nervous. you were starting to feel nauseous again.
"Well, you didnt completely break any bones, but you have fractured your arm and slightly fractured your leg. Nothing like a cast is needed, but just a brace should keep them in place, and they can heal on their own." you started to feel a little better. But that didnt explain why your voice was raspy.