A/N: "Lovely is the weather outside."
July 8, 2011: Friday
11:27 PM
Dear Diary,
Idiots. All of them. All of them are just idiots. I hate them. I hate ALL OF THEM. Are they stupid? Did they really think I was that hopeful about myself? Have they seen ME?
Have they seen how much of a freak I am? Do they see the burn scars all over my body or do they pretend they’re not there like they think I’m doing? I see myself in the mirror every day, and I see the daily reminder of the hell hole I am forced to live with. How can one expect me to be confident when I have scars?
And not just burn scars. What about the scars on my arms? Sure, the burn scars suggest an accident and something beyond my control, but the cuts suggest weakness. It suggests I’m not strong enough to survive. And I’m not, but I don’t want them to know that.
I hate pills. I struggle swallowing them down.
I feel like I want to cut. But I don’t want to go back there. I just want to feel a little something though, besides this hopelessness. Nothing is going to change. The only difference now is I’m alone. And no one understands.
No one there understood what it was like to cut, to starve, to purge... It’s a lot of work, and I could say I’m almost proud that I was getting thinner... and prettier.
Oh, god. HOW WERE THEY NOT REAL? I’m going to miss them. I just want someone to be with and tell me I was pretty the way I was. But I’m not. And it sucks. I...
I don’t know what to do anymore?
Love,
Jackie
YOU ARE READING
Diary of a Schizophrenic (Maddening Series: Book 1)
Teen FictionEvery time I w.r.i.t.e, it's like dipping further into the InSaNiTy. I don't need FRIENDSSS when I have friends like Anorexia and Bulimia. They'll A.L.W.A.Y.S. be here for me. xoxo
