Issues • Kim Taehyung x Reader

ix.

Everyone looked at Taehyung expectantly. He did his best to look away.

He'd been a little stressed when [Name] had showed up because he knew Ha Ra wouldn't like it, but with [Name] and BTS, he felt overwhelmed.

Remember what Ha Ra told you.

He focused on repeated the mantra in his head. The truth. Ha Ra had told him that his friends tried to confuse him and used that chance to plant false ideas in his head. All he had to do was remember the truth, the truth she'd told him, the truth he had to remind himself of and live by.

I'm unhappy because I choose to be.

I'm alienating myself.

I'm trying to break our marriage apart.

I have too many problems.

I should stop seeing my friends.

I should stop going to my psychologist appointments.

I love Ha Ra.

He felt guilty because he'd already broken two of the truths. His friends were in his house and he hadn't even tried to reject them.

Ha Ra will be disappointed in me, Tae thought to himself, frowning as he thought about the second rule. She won't like me seeing [Name] either...

But, I didn't go out and see my friends, they came to see me. And I didn't go to an appointment, [Name] came to my house.

Maybe it's okay, then? Maybe I'm not breaking any rules?

"Tae?"

A voice snapped him out of his head. Jungkook stared at him, his eyes downturned slightly. "Tae? Are you okay?"

Taehyung looked away. Am I okay? "I'm fine." The truth... "I'm unhappy because I choose to be," Taehyung said, the words sounding odd in his mouth, but he ignored the feeling because they were the truth, the truth he knew.

"No you're not, Tae. Ha Ra is pushing you away from us-" Jungkook started, but Tae shook his head, staring down at his hands.

"I'm alienating myself."

[Name] frowned. Since when did Taehyung use the word 'alienating'?

"I don't know what kind of bullshit Ha Ra was feeding you Tae, but you've gotta trust us," Jungkook pleaded, his eyes wide. "We're your friends."

Jimin nodded sadly. "Taehyung...I never wanted to say this to anyone...but the relationship you're in isn't healthy. She's breaking you, can't you see that? She's keeping you trapped, away from anyone that can help-"

"I'm trying to break our marriage apart," Taehyung said slowly, his lips numb. "It's my fault. I should be a better husband. I'm the one who's making this relationship unhealthy. I'm hurting Ha Ra. I-"

"Tae! That's not true!" Hobi shouted. Taehyung's words were breaking his heart. "Taehyung, you're perfect. You tried so hard. You did everything right. It was wrong of us to rush you, to push you two together. But it isn't your fault at all! Ha Ra is the one to blame! She-"

"I have too many problems," Taehyung said, staring at the ground. "Ha Ra isn't to blame, it's me. Me and my problems. And my problems are affecting my marriage. Ha Ra is trying her hardest. She's doing everything right. I'm just corrupting it," he said, putting his face in his hands. His face was numb, and it hurt.

"Damn it, Tae! You're wrong! She's a total bitch! She's trying to control every aspect of your life! Can't you see that?! She makes you quit BTS, she forces you to stay away from us, she forces you to stay away from dancing - you love dancing," Namjoon said, his eyes tearing up when he mentioned Taehyung's love for dance. Taehyung hadn't been able to dance in 8 years. And that broke Namjoon's heart because he knew he couldn't last a day without it.

"She's right," Tae mumbled. "I should stop seeing my friends. You're doing that thing...you're...confusing me and telling me things that aren't true because you want to hurt our relationship...you want to hurt Ha Ra, you want to hurt me..."

"What! No, we'd never-"

"Taehyung, these are your friends," [Name] said gently. "They care about you."

Tae turned to look at her. "And you. I'm supposed to stay away from you and quit my appointments."

[Name] was shocked. "Taehyung, I know you've been ignoring my calls lately, but you really need help! This isn't good for you, the anxiety, the pressure-"

Taehyung stood up, feeling dizzy and confused. Everybody was telling him so many things that made his head hurt. But they were lies. They were lies because he knew the truth, that he was the problem and Ha Ra was the solution, that he needed her, that he relied on her, that she knew what was best for him, that she made him happy. "I love Ha Ra...?" he said, but it came out sounding more like a question than a statement.

Jungkook stared up at his broken hyung before standing up and hugging Taehyung hard. "No," Jungkook said. "She isn't worth it, TaeTae. We're your family. Please. Come back with us."

Taehyung pulled away, confused and teary-eyed. "I...I'm not supposed to see you guys." He looked at [Name]. "Or you..." He looked around like he didn't recognize the house, even though it was his own. "I..." He looked back at Jungkook, his eyes pained. "Why are you here? You're not supposed to be here." He paled. "Ha Ra...she'll be upset with me...I broke the rules..."

"Rules?" Jungkook repeated, confused as heck. "What rules, Tae?"

"I broke them...YOU ALL HAVE TO LEAVE," Taehyung abruptly said, his voice loud. He wrapped his arms around himself. Even as a 28-year-old, he was slim, maybe too thin. Jungkook didn't like it.

"But-" Namjoon tried, but Taehyung shook his head.

"LEAVE. NOW. ALL OF YOU. GO." He had his eyes squeezed shut like he was in pain.

They all went outside, Taehyung closing the door after them, and they turned to [Name].

"What the hell is going on with him, [Name]?" Namjoon asked as the leader of the group. Jin frowned, worried.

[Name] frowned as well, her composure slipping. "He stopped showing up to our appointments. I think he's getting worse." She bit her lip and looked at the front door. "He has some serious anxiety issues. He couldn't breathe one time. I think his wife knows about it and uses the moments when he's emotionally unstable to plant ideas in his head." She looked back at Namjoon sadly. "If Taehyung were in his right mind, I don't think he would have believed anything he'd said. But as it is, I think he buys every word of it. Or he thinks he has to, somehow. He depends upon the "rules" - whatever they are - to keep him stable and grounded. It brings him relief to have a system. It probably brings his anxiety down. Except when he breaks a rule, his anxiety acts up again, and he loses his stability. He said he wasn't supposed to see us, so that probably made him anxious and forced him to rely on the rules again. It's a cycle. The more he fights against it, the deeper in he gets, because the things that can help him - self-confidence, you guys, me, acknowledging that Ha Ra is the problem - are probably all things that will cause him anxiety, which will make him avoid them more."

"So we can't help him?" Jungkook asked, feeling broken. "I knew we should have stopped him from walking out," he muttered.

"I'm not leaving him with her," Yoongi finally spoke up, looking at the house. "I'm bringing him with us."

"If you do that, Taehyung might not recover," [Name] warned. "Right now, he thinks we're the source of his anxiety."

"Then how the hell do we help him?!" Jin shouted, sick of sitting on the sidelines. "We can't abandon him! He's family!"

[Name] hesitated. "I don't know."