Bad || a.i. or l.h.

12: Keep Quiet

My eyes flashed opened, startled from the sound of Ashton's phone, and I quickly shifted my head back away from him. He huffed out, what sounded like, a frustrated sigh and dropped his head. He drew back his arm from my waist and dug into his pocket. I looked away, afraid to make eye contact with him after what just--or just about-- happened. I could still feel my heart beating and took a deep breathe to try to calm it down.

"Sorry, I have to take this." Ashton groaned and stood up from the couch.

"I'll be right back." he muttered, walking behind the couch and disappeared into the kitchen. I heard the ringing cease and assumed he had finally answered. I could vaguely hear his voice.

I tried to listen in but I couldn't comprehend his words exactly. I tiptoed from the couch to the edge of the kitchen doorway, making sure to stay hidden behind the bookshelf we had set up. I knew it was rude to eavesdrop but that's what Ashton did to me. He was great at being so secretive which made me nosy. He kept me curious about everything so technically it was his fault, right?

"No I'm not there today. I skipped." I could hear his voice more distinctly now.

"I'm at a friends."

"I can't right now."

"I don't even have it on me."

Of course Ashton was talking about the drugs, sparking every little question I had for him to surface. I needed to know more about this. If I was going to be around him, I deserved to know these things and who I was hanging with. Knowing the truth was something I was sorta scared of. What if he was worse off than I thought? What if he actually did the drugs--that he refused to name for me? Was it that bad? And then what? What if I did get my answers and they weren't the good kind? Would I just stop talking to him? Could I even do that?

So many questions took over my mind, scrambling my thoughts all over the place.

"I'll call you when I'm about to leave." he said after staying silent for a while.

I dashed back around to the couch, praying that he didn't hear or see. I knew he would be angry with me for doing something like that. I looked down at my hands and played with my nails as if I had kept myself occupied while he was on the phone.

Ashton came back to the couch and awkwardness immediately filled the air. He was silent and leaned back into the couch. There was more space between us than before he got up. I wondered if he regretted our little moment that we had. Maybe it was just a spur of the moment kind of thing and he didn't mean anything by it? Or maybe he wasn't even going to kiss me?

"Sorry about that." he ran his fingers through his hair, messing up the sandy locks before smoothing them back down. He kept his gaze on the coffee table in front of us.

"No it's fine." I shook my head. I tried to act as normal as possible. If I pretended that nothing happened, hopefully the awkwardness between us would disappear.

"That wasn't Matt was it?" I asked just to make conversation. I knew it wasn't but I needed the weird tension to go back to normal.

"Uh no. It was just a friend of mine." he corrected me like I thought he would.

"Oh," I nodded slowly.

"I have a question." I blurted out. I might as well take this moment and ask what I can.

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Ashton chuckled and finally looked my way with a grin on his lips. I felt the awkward tension lighten up a little. I rolled my eyes playfully and caught his gaze for a short time before looking back down at my hands.