Bad || a.i. or l.h.

10: Not So Bad

Having no idea what to wear, I stared at my closet for the longest time. I ran my eyes over the well organized and color coordinated shirts, wondering why I was even overthinking my outfit for the day. I never put much thought into my clothes but I always made sure to look somewhat decent and not like a slob.

After my little argument with Ashton, he insisted on making up for his foul attitude he had towards me over the week. It took me by surprise. I hadn't actually expected him to care at all but there was a part of me that was glad he did.

He didn't say much about how he was going to make it up to me. He just told me that I needed to be ready earlier than usual today. So here I was, contemplating on an outfit-- something I never do.

I couldn't believe I had woken up at such an ungodly hour even if it was just an hour earlier than I usually wake up for school. The thought of my day-to-day life would always keep me in bed for as long as possible but somehow, this morning, the thought of seeing Ashton overpowered that feeling. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little excited. There was just something about him that always kept me guessing. It was strange for me to be so drawn in and curious about someone, despite what I already knew about him.

I hadn't really thought about what Ashton does with his dealing job. I tried my best to push it on the back burner of my mind. It was something that I didn't want to think about yet it always found it's way into my mind. I wanted to know more about it but I was too afraid to ask.

My subconscious kept reminding me that spending time with him was a risky idea but I felt like I couldn't pass up the opportunity. I like analyzing people and their behaviors. I like being able to guess their motives and what they'll do next, but Ashton was not like everyone else. He was harder to read and I wanted to figure him out. There was something burning inside me that needed to figure him out.

I let out a frustrated sigh, annoyed at my indecisiveness and snatched out a pale blue sweater from its hanger and tossed it onto the bed. I slipped on a light pair of jeans before pulling on the sweater and turning to my vanity mirror. This was one of my comfiest sweaters. I liked the way it was very loose fitting and the way the collar hugged around my neck. I was never up for the idea of form fitting clothing or anything that emphasized any curve I may or may not have had. I didn't have that kind of confidence.

I wouldn't say I had the worst body possible but I wouldn't say I had the best either. I just couldn't handle someone judging the way my body looked if I had actually found the guts to try on something more revealing for once. Not that anyone would notice me but if they did-- I could already hear them snickering behind my back at the thought.

I watched the mirror and brushed through my hair, letting the dark waves fall passed my shoulders. My eyes shifted to one of the pictures I had lined up along the side of the mirror. It was me and Matt at his graduation. He was dressed in his navy blue cap and gown, smiling wide and bright as he pulled the petite, brace-faced 13 year old me into his side. He looked so healthy compared to now. His cheeks flushed with color and his eyes full of joy. The memory pinged me in the stomach. It made me wonder if he was happy now, happy with the way he was and what he was doing. I hadn't seen him since the unexpected drop by at his house. I knew he was okay thanks to Ashton, but I felt the need to see him after what happened. It had been way too long. I needed to reach out to him knowing what I knew. He needed family. He needed me.

The sound of a horn snapped me from my thoughts and I slid my way to the window, peeking down through my purple curtains. I recognized the black car parked on the curb and a small smile formed on my lips as I watched Ashton step out.

I turned away from the window, quickly scanning my room for my white Toms and slipped them on by the door. I made sure to grab my phone and shut my room light off before heading downstairs.