Seconds of sadness

Chapter 14: the awakening

I think this story has finally come to an end, I've ruined my life and Sam's to see if people actually loved me. I'm stupid, immature and mean. I'm dying, my mum and my brother are crying. I have 5 more days before my death, I plan to make it all right again. Starting with nick. My mum called him and told him about how I was dying, he slowly started to cry trying to hold it all in. He showed up at the hospital the next day, I kissed him and said sorry. He wouldn't except my apology and he said it was all his fault and he was hurt that I could even possibly think it was my fault, it was.

4 more days until I'm dead, until everything I've ever wanted becomes real and yet I couldn't by want something more. Why did I ever want to die is what I don't understand. It's worse knowing you're gong to die then not knowing it. The doctor came in today, told me that there was no cure. No hope of life. I've expected it, I'm going to die. All I wish is that Sam wasn't dead, but he is. He definitely is, he died thinking nick pushed me, he died thinking I hated him. I don't but I love Nick more. I've realized now that I'm awake, as if I've been 'awakened' by it all. My eyes are open to the unexpected, the unlikely. The hope of me staying alive, the hope that Sam's out there and he's watching over me, somehow someway. But it's not true he's dead, and I will be too soon.

3 more days until it's over, the pain of my hair falling out and my heart burning. Watching as my family fall to pieces in front of me as I fall down slower and slower. I watch my brother, regret everything he said and everything he did. I watch my mum trying to take on the fact that yesterday I told her I was depressed and today I have 3 days to love her with all that's left of me. And nick, I watch him shiver, tremble and try not to cry as he hugs me and try's to hide the fact that I'm dying and this time there's nothing he can do. Stacey came into see me today, she told me that she would bring on my legacy as she cried and cried. Karina and Sam had their 5 year anniversary in my hospital room, sam didn't want to leave me by myself as mum was grabbing us some coffee and donuts. They doctor said I wasn't strong enough to eat sugar but because I'm dying anyway he'd let me off. He told me that his son read my blog, and got inspired to start his own. Where he told everyone he wasn't just an athlete, he also had a heart. I couldn't believe that someone read my book and thought to himself, if I do this people can realize who I am. It touched my heart to think that.

2 days, 2 more days before it's all over. My love life, my friend life, my family life and my life. Everything will all be gone in less then 48 hours, all that will be left of me is the people who surround me and support me. I love you all and I can't begin to tell you how much I love you. If there were a way to remember everything as I die, you will be the ones I remember. You somehow, someway will live upon this. Live upon the shell I stupidly created. You aren't just my family or my friends, you're much more then that. You're the only people that will love on in me. And I'll never stop believing in your ability to make what you want happen. Tom, you're smile and spirit will forever keep me going. Nick, your love and commitment will always be with me and keep sane. Mum, your knowledge and leadership will help me understand how to strive towards everything I've ever wanted, you're a true inspiration to anyone out there. I love you all so much, please don't ever stop loving me back. And how could I say goodbye to the ones I loved wit saying this: Forever and always, my friends. Forever and always.

1 day left before time is limitless, and so am I.....