Seconds of sadness

Chapter 8: depression less?

That was it, I had thought. I had finally overcome depression, I was a happy person and nothing could stop that. Oh wait, that's not how it works. When you're depressed, you're depressed nothing can change or fix that. But I thought my life was finally perfect, nick and I hit our 2 year anniversary. I had an amazing 17th birthday and I'm just happy all the time. Tom got back together with karina and they're really happy again, I couldn't care less about karina now that I have nick. Tom and Karina are pretended they never broke so they say they've been dating 3 years and 6 months and again I couldn't care less! But was I happy, I couldn't tell that I was about to make the worst decision of my life and my last decision of my life. Thanks for reading this book. The rest of it is a surprise so is the rest of my trip down as I fall to my death, thanks for reading. But his story is about to get a whole lot more interesting.

I don't really know how to say this but, it's nick here. Ruby told me she started writing this and well she told me to finish writing it for her just before she fell. "Fell". Yeah thats right. She's dead. My girlfriend, the only one I actually loved is gone. She told me to tell everyone she fell off the balcony but she actually jumped. Ruby, I can't explain my love for you. I don't want to live on this planet without you but I have to because I'm not a pussy like you. You were beautiful, sweet, kind, funny and amazing but you were a pussy. You did all you could and said you didn't belong here anymore so you finally plucked up enough courage to jump, I saw it all happen. I ran towards you to try stop you but I was too late. I could've saved your life but I was too late. I was too late to realize that you were in pain and were hurt. Why was I so late? You were made for a reason, that reason could be to support someone or just to be here in general but you didn't catch on to your purpose. So at least the last thing I said to you was 'I love you so much' and then kissed you until I couldn't breathe any longer. You were the only thing keeping me alive, what am I supposed to do without that ray of sunshine in my life? Thanks again for killing yourself, I haven't been able to do that because I've been too busy trying not to pick up a gun and kill my self. Please realize that you did this. You did this to everyone, everyone will be gone soon. Either taken to prison after reading the rest of he book or gone as in dead because you hurt hem so bad they couldn't live anymore. I hope no one got emotionally attached to me because here I go. I'm nothing without you Ruby. So maybe I should be nothing is general.

Hey, it's Tom. I guess when ruby were to die she wanted everyone important in her life to finish writing this, except from my mum. She didn't want her to know how she felt about life, she didn't want my mum blaming herself for not realizing or doing anything about it. It wasn't her fault anyway, it was her own fault. She jumped, she hurt herself, she bullied herself no one did that to her. It's not my place to say but I think she made it all up for an excuse. For attention. Or for that little part of happiness in everyone's life where they know she's alive. She didn't want anyone to be happy, only herself. She to make them sad and say this was their fault. She killed herself. After she died two weeks ago, I've been upset and mad. Upset because my sister just died and I loved her to pieces and mad because she killed herself for no reason whatsoever. You'd think I'm a mean person because I'm telling he truth about my sister. There's no point in lying. She's dead. There's nothing past this, being dead means you've lost your purpose. You've lost your cause. It was her fault everyone's in pain you don't realize how much you love someone until they're gone. I knew I loved you it was something I had to do, I'm your brother. I stood up for you but you let me down. Big time. But I miss you Ruby. I really really miss you.

Hey, it's sam. I don't know why she wanted me to write but she did. Ruby, you lowered my self confidence with your lack of self confidence. You made me think there was no purpose in life and that this thing you had was all my fault. I read your book, all of it. Even the parts that aren't published. You didn't include the times you showed up at my doorstep in tears because you were hurting. Which was at least every week. I'd hug you and let you in, you'd hide under the cosy blanket that is my bed and you'd pretend everything was normal. But nothing was normal with you around. Nothing. I know she was bullied a lot and I know I hurt her by dating her worst enemy but she said that we stayed together. We dated for about a month and split up. After it all happened she came to me and asked for it (this was before she was with Nick) I gave her it. But we didn't date, we just weren't computable. Never were and we weren't ready to be in a relationship anyway. You tried everything with nick because you needed that small hope for love. You were pathetic and everyone's doing to think I'm an awful person for telling a dead girl she's pathetic. But I why should I lie to protect someone's feelings when really she can't feel anything. She's dead, get over it. But Ruby, I miss you and I love you. I wish you were still here but you're not, and that hurts a lot. Thanks for that.