What Was Meant To Be [COMPLETED]

CHAPTER TWELVE: TO LOVE AGAIN

Kate could have killed herself as she stared at the desolate figure sitting on the edge of the bed in acute pain. It made her feel a deep pinch in her heart and guilt replaced the initial mortification. What the hell was wrong with her? She knew she should not have started anything she could not finish and it only made her a tease.

But he had been so irresistible. Irresistible in the sense that she felt wonderful at the kind of trust he had in her. And wished she could trust him back like that. Suddenly, Kate started to wish fervently that she got her memory back because she knew she was missing something important here. It made her realize how much he loved her and she could not play with his feelings because she was not sure if she loved him that much.

Looking at the forlorn figure in front of her, Kate wished she could undo the past. How stupid could she be? Why the hell had she been unable to resist him like that? Hell, she loved the way they interacted and guessed that they must have a pretty good understanding under normal circumstances.

Normal circumstances being if she had not lost her memory. It was starting to become the problem of her life and she could not imagine how to handle it anymore. What if she never got her memory back? Would he still love her anyway?

She knew that whenever they were together although it was very subtle he was expecting his Kate back. And it hurt her to know that she was not enough for him now. The Kate she was now was just a shadow of the Kate she had been. It was silly fighting with herself but she was jealous of the other Kate. Who had never been a part of her since her memory loss.

Why the hell did Aidan love her so much? Why couldn’t he love her now? As she was? Then she suddenly she realized the stark truth about herself. Why she was feeling so low and so helpless. Why she was jealous of her own self? It was simply because she had fallen in love with him. 

That had to be it. She had fallen head over heels in love with him. As if it had not been enough she had lost her memory, she had lost her heart too on the way. And he loved her back except she was no longer herself. Hell, what a mess!

As she absorbed the shock, she tried to school her features into a impassible mask not wanting him to know that she had been foolish enough to fall in love with him. She had to had a prep talk to herself first before she could say anything to him. She wanted some time alone to reorder her thoughts and confirm her feelings for him.

Finally, he lifted his head and looked at her with his jaws clenched. Kate felt like her heart was hanging in open air as he looked at her in his intense way and after a long time he finally said.

“Try to get some rest. I’m going to prepare us some lunch.”

She knew she should be relieved that he had not brought up what just transpired between them. But instead when he did not bother mentioning it, she felt like it was all insignificant to him. Damn, she was so confused.

“Would the old Kate let you prepare lunch?” she asked feeling piqued that he had not commented on her restraint - or lack of.

He seemed caught unaware at the answer and shook his head. “Kate was…” and stopped as he realized his mistake. He was even starting to speak of her in the third person now. “I mean you are a good cook and would never have let me set foot in the kitchen.”

It was said matter-of-factly; neither with remorse nor reproach. Yet, she felt the words pierce her heart as the meaning of the words seep in. It meant that he was not even expecting things from her as he would have from his old Kate. And she was starting to get tired of thinking of Kate like she was someone else. Hell, she was Kate!!!

“Alright, then,” she said leaping off the bed and stopped at the door looking behind to find a stunned looking Aidan. “I’m preparing lunch,” she stated and without giving him time to reply, she fled to the kitchen not wanting him to catch up any of her inner turmoil.