Journals of a Stalker

Journal Entry 11

September 30, 2010

Dear Journal,
Where do I begin? It's been a while and there's so much to tell. Let's start with Cathrine because she is always my highest priority.

Cathrine started going to her classes two days ago, but she still doesn't look like the normal bubbly Cathrine I know. She doesn't put as much effort into her appearance as usual and has been in sweatshirts and sweatpants for the most part. She hasn't been going out for very long either. She has been home by 4:30 every time she leaves her dorm. I'm glad she has been going to her classes, but still. She isn't herself.

Yesterday, I decided to follow her around to see if she was taking care of herself while she isn't at her dorm, and I was surprised about where she went. She went to the police station. She had put on a pair of blue jeans and the large "Floyd Central High School" sweatshirt with a pair of beat up black and white Converse. Her hair was tangled while it whipped around her face and she wasn't wearing make up again.

I waited outside the station for about thirty minutes before Cathrine came back out again. Her eyes had dark bags underneath them and her eyes weren't twinkling either. It saddened me so much. Her eyes started to water and she leaned against the wall of the station.

Then she broke down. My heart tore at the sight of her. Tears started streaming down and Cathrine covered her face with her hands. I couldn't stand to see her like this. I had to do something. I had to make her feel better. So that's exactly what I did.

I walked up to Cathrine and she didn't notice I was standing right in front of her. She was looking down with her hands still covering her face and her hair acted like a curtain, blocking her view of me.

This was it. My moment to make Cathrine feel better and maybe the moment when she would recognize who I am to her, her soul mate. She was still sobbing loudly, so I grabbed my handkerchief from my pocket and cleared my throat.

Cathrine looked up and her hair was covering most of her face. There were streaks on her cheeks from her tears and my heart broke even more if that was possible. Her eyes were mostly closed and she sniffled as she looked at me before she began to speak.

"Y-yes? Can I help you?" Her voice cracked.

"I just- um- I just wanted to give you this. It seems you need it." I said as I held the handkerchief out for her to take.

"Thank you." And she grabbed the handkerchief before wiping her cheeks and nose with it.

"It's my pleasure. Anything to help you. So...rough day?" I probably could have come up with a better opening line for a conversation, but it was the best I could come up with at the moment. Cathrine looked back at the ground, hiccuped and nodded her head up and down.

"You could say that again." She replied as she began to play with the handkerchief. Her fingers rubbed the material over and over and she sniffled again. It would have been cute if Cathrine wasn't so sad at the moment.

"Is there anything else I can do to help?" I said as I gave her a small smile.

"Look," Cathrine looked up at me again. I could see tears were threatening to fall. "I know you are trying to help, and I appreciate that, but I really just want to be alone right now. Can you please let me be alone?"

This confused me. Why wouldn't Cathrine want to be with me right now? If anything, she should be begging me to stay with her. I am her soul mate for God's sake! I am supposed to be the one that Cathrine wants to be around when she is sad.

Instead of throwing a fit, I simply nodded my head and said, "Ok." And started to walk down the street.

As I was about to turn around the corner, I heard Cathrine yell "Wait!" And started to wave my, now damp, handkerchief in the air.