The Fall of Arcadia (Book ONE)

Chapter 9

Dedication to Sherlock869 (When I get onto a computer)
Alice:

I hate it. I hate the fact that even when I'm not on Earth, I'm not living the same routined life I was, I can crash as bad as I just have.

I hadn't been able to tell that I was crashing, until I did something wrong. It hadn't been a big thing, all I did was drop my pen. And then I started crying. And then I started thinking about how I could never do anything right and that I should just give up.

In other words, I started hating myself again.

I tried hard to hide it, though I think the Doctor could tell something was wrong. Since the shower incident, we'd been meeting up more, going out on secret little adventures while Donna was asleep and kissing underneath the stars of a foreign world. But I just couldn't keep it in now.

I was curled in a corner of my bathroom, my razor in my hand. Cut, cut, cut. Something about the way the steady flow of blood that came from each ribboned cut made me feel better. It made me feel as though the pressure inside of me was being let out slightly. Soon, most of my white bathroom floor was red and I just sat there. Waiting for something.

I had been sat on my bathroom floor for about 2 hours before the Doctor came looking for me. Donna had just gone to visit her mum and Gramps so he wanted to take me somewhere. It was obvious that we didn't go.

"Alice? Alice, where- Oh my God!" he saw the blood on the floor and grabbed the toilet roll, pressing it to my still bleeding wrists. "It's OK, you're going to be OK" he whispered, picking me up carefully. I didn't say anything, I was too numb and just didn't care.

"Alice, what happened? Princess if you don't tell me, I can't help you" the Doctor cried, putting me on the same bed I had used a few weeks ago after I was shot. Something about the pain and desperation in his voice turned something back on inside of me. Love.

"Bi polar. Crashed 3 days ago and hid it. Lost control" I managed, then it shut off again, leaving me feeling dead apart from the steady ache of my cuts that made me real. Made me colourful.

"Oh, my sweet Princess." he kissed my forehead and started stitching up my cuts, carefully making sure that they weren't too deep and they hadn't nicked a vein or artery. "You can tell me when you get bad, you need to. I can't lose you again, Alice, not to something like this."

I was still just lying there, not caring. Not until I felt the Doctor inject me with something. Then slowly, I could feel my toes again, then my fingers and slowly I regained my sight back fully. I could see colours brighter and feel the Doctors worn smooth hands holding mine. Then I felt warm, not cold and dead like I had been.

"What did you-?" I asked, able to bring myself to speak. I knew what he had done. He had picked up some of my medicine from the Fall Of Arcadia and given me a dose.

"I got scared and called Marcus. Alice, you need to tell me if that happens, you could have bled to death if hadn't have found you. You scared me so much" he whispered, bowing his head to hide his red eyes.

"Hey, I'm sorry." I sat up and lifted his chin up to face me. "I'm sorry, I'm used to Marcus being able to tell the moment he see's me and making me take my medicine. I'm not good at talking Doctor."

The Doctors warm brown eyes stared into mine, making my heart flutter. "You can always talk to me, Alice. Always. I will always be here for you, even once this face has died and a new man walks away, I will be here for you"

"I'm really not sure how to say this, but I'm going to do it before I chicken out again. I love you. I'm not sure how long I've known this, but I do. I love you, Doctor" I cried, my gaze not leaving his. His hand cupped my cheek and he kissed me so long and hard that I felt like an eternity had passed before he let go.