The Song Left Unstarted (Gerard Way)

Chapter 21 - Goodbye

"The last thing Jade told me was, 'Keep doing what you love, Gerard. You should always be happy'. I think these words perfectly describe her. She was caring, she wanted the best for everyone, and though she would want the best for others, she would never want it for herself. One of her imperfections was how she couldn't realize how special and how talented she was. She would never accept how amazing she was at painting, or how beautiful she was; and that's what made me love her more, her imperfections. The very things that made her feel unloved, and the very things I will miss. She hated them so much, and would hate it when I pointed them out; she hated how her neck was 'too long', how her hair was never neat, how her finger nails looked like a boy's. But I loved them, because they weren't to me, her imperfections were what made her perfect, and what made her Jade Anderson." 

I pause, and look to my left, there laying in he coffin was Jade. She looked so peaceful, just as if she was asleep. She was in the dress that she worn to her Grandmother's funeral, the black fabric making her skin look even paler. In her hands where a bouquet of roses, they were fresh and alive, unlike her, and it went with her hair; which was tied back into a low bun, the vibrant color turned dull. She had a veil covering the side of her head that she had injured. 

A sigh escapes my mouth and I turn back to look at the crowd. Her funeral was a very private one, her parents, and a few relatvies were the only attenders. I look at her mom, and she gives me a smile.

A sigh escapes my mouth, and continue on.

"I refuse to call this a eulogy, because it isn't. I know that she'll be in a better place, and that she'll be watching over everyone. She was always a watcher, she always loved watching people; she would tell me how you could tell a lot about a person, just by looking. The first time I met Jade was at the Summer Course. We had been put in the same room, and she had arrived before me; I remember how when I walked in, she was playing her music very loudly and didn't realize that I was there. When we did first meet, her eyes were what caught me; it wasn't the red hair, or her slim body, but her eyes. They were filled with so much sadness, and sorrow, and on that very night, she opened up to me and told me about her past and that's when I knew that I needed to fix her. She was still so stuck in her past that she didn't see the future; she was scared of it. We became friends right away, and soon we fell in love. In the beginning, we were both terrified; we knew that we only had three months, she told me that she didn't want to start something we couldn't finish. I can't say that those three months were the best for her, but they were for me. I felt alive, she gave me life, she was so full of it, throughout high school, it had been bottled up inside her; she never partied, and never had friends, and when she graduated, the life that she should have been living finally happened."

Her mothers sobs interrupt me. I take a deep breathe, and blink out the forming tears. 

"She was so fragile, I remember when her grandmother had died. She kept telling herself that she was okay when she wasn't. I remember seeing her all broken, listening to the sobs that had escaped her mouth; sobs that were so heartbreaking to hear. That was when I knew I loved her, because all I could think about was how much I wanted to be there for her, how much I wanted to hug, and whisper that it was okay to cry. Throughout the time I was with her, I was very scared that I would hurt her. I was scared that I would leave her, even though that was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I never thought it would be the other way around. When I saw the news headline about Jade, my heart stopped for the very first time in a long time. I can't feel anything anymore, I don't feel alive. It's only been 1 weeks without her, but I've never felt so...dead. I used to wake up every morning, waiting for her to call but now, I don't have a purpose anymore. We were separated for six long years, but we always kept in touch; and to know that the day I saw her for the very the first time, was the day she died, kills me. There's this pain my heart, this feeling that I can't describe. It's as if a part of my heart has been ripped away. Every time I think of her, it throbs. I am reminded everyday that if I had walked her home, she would still be here. And I am so sorry for that, I really am. I am sorry, Violet, I am so sorry, Thomas. No matter how many times I say, it won't be enough, because it's all my fault, it's my fault that she came to New York, it's my fault that she walked home, and it's my fault that the driver ran her over."

I wipe away the stray tear on my cheek, and look back at the coffin.

"I am so sorry Jade. You could have lived, you could have been happy, you could have been happy with me," I smile to myself," we were going to run away, run away from the cruel world together. And we will, because I know you're still with me. It's not over for you, Jade. I'm still here, and I'm going to do exactly what you told me. I will make sure that you're dreams and hopes will not die with you. I will make sure of that, because you're memory will carry on. You're dead, and it's my fault, but you will still be around. You will be in my heart forever. 

I love you.

I will always love you, and though you're not around anymore to say it to me, I know that you still love me too.

Goodbye my little Jay bird, I won't fail you like I did; I promise.

Goodnight."

I look away from the coffin, and step away from the podium.

And after that, I carry her to her final resting place.