The Song Left Unstarted (Gerard Way)

Chapter 6 - I'm Okay, Trust Me

It's been a week since the Art Summer Course had started, and Gerard had stopped talking to me. The first few days he would say good morning, and stuff like that. But now, he treats me like I don't exist.

I don't know what I did.

The day after he the first day, he stopped calling me Jay. And the day after that, he stopped sitting with me during lunch. And now, we leave the room during different times. I don't really know what to do. I don't remember doing anything wrong, and if I did, I already apologized; but he would just brush it off with a, 'whatever'.

I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I feel...so sad, and angry too. And I can't stop feeling it everyday. It's slowly eating me up, and soon I'll be an empty shell.

Everytime I see his face, I want to cry; and I also want to bash it in. Why can't he fucking tell me what's going on. He might as well just move out of the room.

It was Sunday afternoon and I was seated on my desk. I was drawing as usual; and listening to some music through my CD player. Gerard got pretty pissed and broke one of my Iron Maiden CDs because I was playing them without headphones one time. So now, I don't make any noise. I'm scared on what he will do if I anger him. He got really scary sometimes, and now whenever I see him makes me feel hundred times smaller.

I was deep in thought until the ringing of my phone broke the silence. The caller ID said it was my mom. Having nothing to do I answered.

" Hey M-"

It didn't take long until an unfamiliar noise filled my ears, it as a sound that was very foriegn to me. She was crying. She never cried, and when she did, she made sure I wasn't around to see it. My eyebrows furrow, and I pay more attention to what my mother had been saying on the phone.

"Jade! Oh my god Jade, Honey. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry..." She said through her sobs. My heart races faster as I comprehend her words, something was telling me that the reason for her call was not pleasant.

"Mom? What's going on? Why are you crying?"

"Honey, your grandmother... She's.... been in a... oh my god, she's been in a car accident." My mom whispered the last words but I could hear them, loud and clear.

My Grandma Helen. No, it couldn't be.She couldn't be dead. No.

"Is she....dead?" I say softly, I was surpised my mother even heard me.

"...yes..."

I thew my phone at the wall. The device exploded into tiny pieces. I wanted scream out, and I think I did.

It felt like something tore a big chunk from my heart. It felt unreal. Not my grandma. She was the only person that understood me. She was the person who made me feel like myself. She was the person to tell me how being different and unique is okay. I never talked about her to anyone else, she was too personal. She is a big part of me, or I guess was. I wanted to cry, and I did. I cried for about an hour straight. Alternating between quietly crying, and screaming.

I forgot that Gerard was also in the room with me, because when I walked out of my room to get some water; he was standing there. I don't know if he was pissed, or concerned. I couldn't care less. I divert my gaze to the floor, and ignore the face that I had been missing for a week.

"Jade, why are you crying?" 

I push past him, and open the fridge. I take the only bottle wine in the fridge, and a pack of beers. I wasn't fully aware of what I was doing until I had emptied the fridge from all its alcohol; I was a huge drinker, it ran in the family.

I walk back to my room and lock it. I put on my headphones and drown myself with alcohol and music. Even though I put my volume up high, I could still hear Gerard pounding on my door.