As Of Now [Editing]

As Of Now Chapter 3: Closest To Your Heart

It's been a month since the new class seating and I miss him, his noise, his habit of dozing off at History, everything I seemed to like about him before we got separated. But no, I didn't give up there. I always had an excuse to go sit in front of his spot on the floor and luckily get a few minutes of his time. And my excuse? It would always be about Demitri wanting to tell him something but I'd say he's too lazy to walk the seven feet just to talk to Matthew about it himself.

"Bakit ayaw na lang niyang lumapit ng sarili niya?" Matthew keeps on complaining whenever I bring up that excuse-even if it always seems to work.

And if I'm lucky enough, I'd stay on Leigh's chair while she chatters away with Thalia and Nikki. But whenever I'm lucky to do that, she shots me a glare and mutters something under her breath that's downright nasty. It always gets me to believe that I wouldn't have time with him anymore, it gets me really upset and sad.

A smile will lighten up your mood, believe that.

I absentmindedly looked at him and suddenly got lost in a daze, his smile in side view looking really cute. The teacher kept droning on about molecular structures whilst the class was really bored and quiet. He seems to be laughing at what him and Leigh are talking about. Jealousy burned in me as I buried my nails into my palms to prevent the piercing pain in my hands. I tried to push the jealousy to the back of my mind and forced a thin line on my lips instead of a scowl.  

Maybe it was just me in a daze that I didn't see what was happening.

Maybe the jealousy creates a realistic imagine in front of my eyes.

Maybe they were just messing around.

Maybe he wasn't so comfortable with me as much as he was with Leigh, from the looks of it.

Since I was new anyways and she was here since God knows when.

Or maybe I will never be good enough.

All I know is, a scenery of affection is taking place between Leigh and Matthew. They looked adorable, laughing with each other. And if I looked really closely, I might even mention the close proximity of their hands. Leigh's arm was settled on her armrest, her hand limping at the end. Matthew has his elbows propped on his armrest, his head resting on his crossed arms. Noticing the two, Leigh was leaning forward on her chair to get close to Matthew, and Matt was relaxing on his arms, looking up on Leigh. 

The piercing feeling in my hands worsened, I had to grip something really tight to get it to stop. All I could possibly hold was the handle of my bag.

The material scrunched tightly, the handle looking like it was stuck in between two elevator doors. The piercing feeling didn't go away but it lessened up enough to get me to stop looking at them. Right then, I admitted it was gonna be a hard way to like a guy who is just practically nice to everyone. Including girls.

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"Natotorpe ba siya or something?" Carol whined. She and Demitri were growing into a better couple, but from the looks of it, Demitri wasn't trying hard enough to show what he feels. Hinihinalaan ni Carol na natotorpe siya, pero hindi naman siya tumatanggi lang sa kanya ng ganon. She's even ranting about how he's missing him more than usual because he was always away.

"Carol, easy lang. Alam mo, imagine you in his shoes and he's getting jealous of how you're never on his table for lunch and how you're never partnered with him during most activities. Tas ikaw, sayang-saya ka sa'min. Kasama mo ako, si Matthew. Di ba nasasarapan ka sa company ko? Everyone needs attention. So you gotta wait for yours." I offered her a smile and patted her hand.