As Of Now [Editing]

As Of Now Chapter 12: Forget It

I didn't want to tell them anything. I was scared of the pain I had to feel. And yet, I really wanted to tell them. It was good to get things off your chest every once in a while. And I really had to tell them, I've been hiding it for so long. Especially to Matthew. I didn't want to tell him now. I'm really afraid I'll break off into continuous sobs if I do.

I was walking through the hall towards the classroom, done with break. I don't know why I took a separate path from CArol and Demitri today. Maybe because of Matthew. My intuition knew he'd be lingering about, looking for Demitri. A part of me wanted to see him, talk to him, be with him. But the other part was telling me to shy away and hide somewhere before catching his gaze. That pesimistic part took control of my brain so I ealked towards Bl. James, my sister's classroom. 

I found her locking gazes with Terry, again. If I hadn't said her name and snapped her back into reality, who knows what kind of PDA will come next. "Ano yun?" she asked.

"You seriosuly have to take some time away from each other. Or else." I sighed heavily.

"Or else?" she asked dubiously.

"Or else you might be staring at each other and the next second, bam, kissing scene." I said, rolling my eyes at the thought.

"Ate, ganun na agad ang iniisip," sinabi ni Dawn.

I always loved her sense of innocence. How she wants to stay reallypure. Oh, Dawn.

"Wait, bakit ka napadaan?" tinanong ni Dawn.

I felt the swelling pain grow into my chest, like always. I still don't know why I couldn't say it out loud. Was it the unfortunate moment of running into him at TriNoma? Or maybe because it brings back the sick feeling I always felt when I was stuck in a relationship with him? 

This sucks.

I started drifting off into space, merely looking over the quadrangle, thinking of words to say. I swallowed the big lump forming like a tennis ball in my throat.

"Sasabihin ko na sa kanila si Matt Cortez." I choked through his name but still made my way, but only with a small voice.

Dawn's eyebrows furrowed, looking at me once and thinking of something.

"Kaya mo na?" tinanong ni Dawn, looking at me concerned.

"I bit my lower lip, thinking about it.

Was I? What if I'm just treating Matthew as a rebound? To get away from Cortez. I almost choked on my saliva once I put in Matthew Reyes into the thought. But I guess my instinct had a point. Maybe it was for good that I have a rebound. I already suffered enough tears for Cortez. 

"I'll manage." I said in another small voice. 

Dawn looked back at me, giving me a caring look that only us sisters would understand. It says 'I'll be here if you need me. Like always.'

I nodded with a determined grin as the bell rang, signaling the end of break.

I skipped uncomfortably through the hall, reachig the doorknob before our next teacher spotted me. Guess I'm gonna hve to do this by Cooperative Learning.

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The president left us with a seatwork that could be done in minutes so I took the opportunity to get away from the confession.

I began scribbling notes onto my spiral notebook that was filled with little Matthew names. I finished the seatwork, now I wanna get away from the confession. "Bili na, Camille." Carol appeared from behind me, maybe even staring at me for a few minutes now. Such a stalker.

I pouted. "Do I have to? I mean, it was just a tantrum." 

"Tantrum? Isang linggo? Bitter mo sobra." sinabi ni Carol, towering me when I'm sitting.

".. I was on my period?" Of course she didn't buy it. 

 I seriously didn't want to deal with Carol right now. I would just tell everyone who wanted and deserved to know, not just Carol. I would want to tell them just one time. I don't wanna know how much breakdowns I'd have if I tell them more than once. So I did it.

"Carol," I took a deep breath, "Sorry na. Sasabihin ko na sa inyo, swears. Basta nandito na kayo lahat." 

Carol's face lit up and sped up to Matthew and Demitri. Crossing my arms over my desk, I buried my head down my arms, trying to gather up the courage I needed.  wouldn't wanna cry in front of Matthew. No, not in front of Matthew. 

I felt a finger poke my head, and a strand of hair being lifted off the rest and being twirled. "Parang ayaw pa niyang sabihin eh," I heard Demitri's voice over my curtain of hair. "Sinabi niya sasabihin na daw niya kapag andito na tayo lahat. Camille dela Cruz, ano ba?" Carol complained. 

I slightly lifted my head, smoothing out my hair first, then facing my audience.

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Yow guys. Antagal ko nang di nag-updated :( I'm sooo sorry. 

Stupid chapter over here. Sorry kung puro English na, nasanay ako. 

Promise to update after two weeks per chapter release. 

Until then, I'm sorry if I'm late.

-Gayle