Amour

Chapter 11

"Soyoung and I got back together...got back together...together..." His words rang repeatedly in my ears. Like the first time when he told me they were together I stood in front of him completely void of any feelings. But the numbness quickly went away. I was furious as I approached my destination.

bang bang

My fists kept pounding the door until she opened it with a very pissed expression. But that face quickly disappeared when she saw me and was replaced by a very cocky smirk.

"What the hell are you trying to do?" I demanded.

"What do you mean?" looking at me innocently.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Isn't it obvious? I love him." She stated matter-of-factly.

"No you don't!" I retorted.

"Ok maybe I don't love him but I want him." Her eyes gleamed evilly.

"Why?" I asked trying to make some sense out of all this.

"Well he is good in bed. But then again you wouldn't know that now would you," she asked gloatingly. I wanted to kill her. I wanted to strangle her scrawny little neck and stomp on her face to wipe that stupid smirk off.

"Really Jiwon did you actually think you could win over me?" She graced her hand across her body showcasing her feminine features. "Sunghoon is not a sicko like you, he is actually normal and prefers this." She showcased her body again emphasizing her breasts. "He loves to bury his face in them," she announced proudly.

I smacked her. Her head whipped to the other side. Slowly her hand went up to touch her wounded cheek. My hand was throbbing with stinging pain from the slap. I expected her to cry but she didn't. She slowly turned to face me her hand still clutching her red cheek. That stupid smirk was still on her face perhaps I didn't slap her hard enough.

She started laughing tauntingly. "What's the matter? A little too close to the truth for you?" she mocked.

"I'm not going to let you win. You don't deserve him." I spat it in her face.

"Oh and you do?" she asked condescendingly.

"At least I love him." I declared boldly.

"Too bad the feeling is not mutual." She said tiredly.

"Stay away from him." I warned.

She eyed me with a bored face. "Look maybe this would help clear up your simple little mind. I can offer him a family, acceptance in society, and a normal life. What can you offer him? Love? Don't make me laugh! If he is with you he would be branded as a social outcast." She paused to let me digest all she had said.

"Look Jiwon if Sunghoon is gay then whatever I do wouldn't matter. But he is not gay. He can have a good normal life if you would just let him. Isn't it enough that you will have to endure the hardships of a homosexual lifestyle? Don't be so selfish. He doesn't have to live that hard life if you don't drag him with you..."

I ran from her not wanting to hear the rest.

"LET HIM GO JIWON!" she yelled behind me.

I felt tears gathering in my eyes because I knew what she said were true. 'Let him go Jiwon. Don't be selfish. He can have a happy life. Don't drag him with you... Let him go... Let him go...' The tears were flowing freely now meandering down my face to my shirt.

I was having trouble breathing from running and crying at the same time. I saw a telephone booth and ran towards it. Locking myself inside I slid in one of the corners. With my head buried on my clutched knees I cried and cried as if there was no tomorrow.

I didn't even know how long it was but the tears eventually stopped flowing. I fumbled through my pockets for loose change. Inserting the proper amount of coinage I dialed Jiyong's number.

"Hello?" he finally picked up after five rings.

"Jiyong it's me."

"Hey hyung what's up?" he asked cheerfully.

"Sunghoon's over there right?" He had been over at Jiyong's a lot. Ever since the night with the incident in the bathroom he had avoided me.

"Yeah he's in the kitchen getting something to eat. You want me to get him?"

"NO!" I barked a little too quickly.

"Why not? Is hyung is too shy to talk to his Hoonie. Aww...how sweet are you to call and check up on him." He teased. "Hyung! What's wrong?" he asked, alarmed by my silence.

"Jiyong ah can you keep Sunghoon over at your place for a few hours?"

"Why? Are you planning a surprise for him?" I could hear the suggestive tone creeping into his voice.

"No I need time to pack" I replied simply, preventing him from getting any crazy ideas.

"PACK?! Where are you going?" he demanded.

"I don't know. I just need to get away." I said tiredly.

"Away? Away form what? Wait! You don't mean away from Sunghoon do you? What the hell..."

"Thanks for doing this for me. I owe you one Jiyong" I jumped in, cutting him off.

"Wait hyung just tell me..." I hung up on him.

****

When I got home I just threw a few of my things together. All I packed was a few changes of clothes and the essential documents like passport, birth certificate, etc. I didn't pack any of my pictures. It would only make it harder. Taking one last look of the place I called home I turned to leave.

ring ring

"Hello?"

"Hyung!" he panted.

"What is it Jiyong? Why are you out of breath?" I sensed something is not right.

"Don't be mad hyung but I told him," he blurted.

"YOU WHAT?!?!?!?" I screamed into the receiver.

"You can thank me later." I can almost see his cocky grin.

"Thank you? You'll be lucky if I don't kick your skinny ass." I yelled.

"Hyung you're not being fair to him. Its his decision too." He reasoned.

"You don't understand Jiyong. I don't want this kind of harsh life for him," I explained exasperatedly.

"I think Sunghoon can decide for himself what kind of life he wants. He's on his way home now. Hyung don't just leave without saying goodbye. Even if you have to end it, end it the right way." He lectured wisely.

"Jiyong when the hell did you get so wise?" I asked with a small smile. He was right.

"Hahaha...bye hyung. I hope you get what you want whatever that maybe," he said seriously.

"Thanks Jiyong."

'He's coming home...he's coming home...' A glimmer of hope sprung into my heart. I looked out the window expecting to see him already. Of course he wasn't there, Jiyong's is about half an hour away. I heard thunder rumbling in the distance followed by a bright flash of lightening. I looked at the dark storm clouds looming above. It's going to rain soon. I turned away from the window and sat down, anxiously waiting for him.

One hour...

Two hours...

Three hours...

"Get up Jiwon. Just get up and leave." I calmly told myself out loud. "He's not coming. He's never going to come...because he doesn't love you."

Finally feeling my wounded heart shatter I reached into my wallet and pulled out the picture of Sunghoon and me that I always carried. I took one last look at it before letting it slip through my fingers. I watched it waved through the air currents and finally settled under the coffee table. Picking up my things I stepped out into the pouring rain.