Amour

Prologue

Have you ever been in love, having that warm fuzzy sensation coursing through your body? It's a wonderful feeling, so complete and whole. It's amazing how just one person can make you feel so good. But then you begin to wonder, what would life be like without that person? Its terrifying, to lose your sole reason for breathing, laughing, crying and living. Because the notion is so scary you shove it to the back of your mind, denying the possibilities. Until it rears its ugly head when you least suspect it. I am terrified right now because I lost him, to a girl.

I despised her for taking my Hoonie away from me. I remembered the exact moment when he introduced her to me as his girlfriend as if it was a minute ago. I stood there, smiling like an idiot as if I was happy for him. Happy for him? He just shattered my heart into a million pieces and yet there I stood, smiling like a fool. I wanted to cry right then and there. Me, Eun Ji Won, crying! Who would ever believe that? But I didn't cry for I didn't want to make Hoonie sad.

I only cried in front of him once. We were eight years old and this new kid named Jiyong had just moved next door to him. They became very good friends, a little too good if you asked me. I was jealous that Hoonie was paying so much attention to that tall scrawny kid. So I tortured him. Every chance I got I pushed, punched, kicked, and pinched him. He didn't say a word. Even though he was taller than me, the kid was a wuss. But one day Hoonie caught me in the act of imprinting my shoe marks on his shins. He got so mad that he pushed me. Can you believe that?! He pushed me because of him?!?! That hurt me more than the pain of my butt making contact with the concrete floor. I started crying. That scared the shit out of him. Of all the years that we've known each other I've never cried in front of him. I was always the strong one, at least on the outside. He stood there all flustered not knowing how to comfort me. He kept apologizing. And repeatedly pleaded me to stop crying all the while his own big round eyes filling with tears and his lower lip started quivering. It was the cutest sight. Finally he started bawling.

That moment was the happiest moment of my life, well my life so far. Why? Because those tears were for me. Hoonie cries about a lot of things but never had he cried for me. I had to stop crying and comfort him instead. He has always been one spoiled little brat. After that I never cried in front of him again. And Jiyong? Well he's still around but he's not a threat anymore.

I wonder whether he will ever shed tears for me again. I'll never find out now that she is here. God, I can't stand her. The way she clings to his arm and the way she makes him laugh makes me sick. Why can't I do that?! Why can't I make him laugh?! That beautiful innocent laugh was for her! Everything he does was for her and her only!

Who am I kidding?! Hoonie was never mine to begin with. I was just his best friend. I should be happy for him. I should be happy that he found love and happiness. I should! But I'm not!