The Reason (Completed)

Letter 6

Hi.

Trauma. Traumatized. Traumatic experience. TRAUMA. I was traumatized. My uncle would go and say sorry to me everyday. My grandfather, I would always see him outside my door when someone would bring me food. I mean... When Mariel is bringing my food. He's there, standing infront of my door, everytime. God. Seeing him makes me cry. Even seeing my uncle... But most of all, I can't look at Mariel's eyes... Because I can feel guilt.

***

"Pumasok ka." Mommy said through telephone. It's been a week since 'that' happened. And I didn't have the strength to go to school. I... Feel so weak.

"Opo." I answered. Madami pa siyang sinabi kaso hindi naman ako nakikinig.

I went up my room but before I get inside, my grandfather is infront of my room.

"Anong kailangan mo?" I think my eyes are black while looking at him. God knows how much I loathe this old man.

"Hmm. Wala naman." He smirked and walked away. God. I really hate him.

I opened the door to my room and went in. Locked the door and went straight to bed.

I need strength and confidence to go to school tomorrow...

***

As I walked inside my classroom, all eyes were staring at me. I can't bare that all people were staring.

My adviser told me 'You're back, Miss Serag?' I don't know if she's pissing me off 'coz of her tone. But I shrugged it off and gave her my letter of absence. She accept it and I sat down.

I'm not even listening to my teacher on every subject. I would just stare at them. Lucky me the teachers aren't calling me for recitations. But seriously, why the hell is everyone asking me about Austin?!

Hindi ko naman sinasagot mga tanong nila. Mas lalo na sa mga lalaking nagtatanong, lumalayo ako...

Do you know that I already have a reflex? Everytime a guy gets near me I would seriously get away.

After the last subject, I didn't go home just yet. I stayed at our school's gazebo. I'm always wasting my time there because the scenery is beautiful and I can read my books peacefully without anyone to disturb me.

Reading is like my escape to reality now. After all that's going on? My book is always there for me... I can't tell my mom about it, I can't tell anyone...

"Freah..." I heard someone called me, I turned and I saw him... Austin.

I closed my book and faced him. Trying my hardest to stay calm and just, well, try to not be weird or something.

"Y-yes?" I stuttered. Great, Freah. Just great. The thing is, I'm not afraid of Austin, unlike the other guys.

"Umm... Ang tagal mong nawala..." He said and he put his hands on his neck. You know, like the mannerism other people do when they're feeling concious? Or uncomfortable. Wait? I'm making him uncomfortable? That's new. Knowing that Austin is good with girls.

"Yeah... May problema lang k-kasi sa bahay..." And then again, I stuttered.

"Problema?" He put his hand down, finally. And faced me.

I nodded.

"Anong problema?" He looked at me, "Ahh, okay lang kahit di mo sabihin." He smiled. Feeling ko, pati ako mapapangiti. His smile is so refreshing. It can contaminate you. Haha.

I don't know what to say so I just stared at the view.

"Umm. Freah?"

"Bakit?" I asked, but still staring at the breath taking view.

"Pwede ba kitang ligawan?" That question made me look at him with big wide eyes.

"W-what?" I asked, maybe I just heard it wrong.

"Um. Pwede ba kitang ligawan?" This time, he held both of my hands and he stared at me. Eye to eye we're staring at each other.

Nung bumalik na ko sa sarili ko, I let go of his hand. No. Bawal. He can't. Not with a girl like me. Ano na lang iisipin niya kung nalaman niya yung tungkol sa lolo ko? No. Bawal.

"Sorry..." I said while getting my stuffs and ready to walk away.

"Freah, seryoso ako. Bakit bawal?" Hinawakan niya ulit yung kamay ko kaya napigilan niya kong umalis.

"Kasi... Basta, Austin. Bawal tayo. I'm so sorry." Binawi ko yung kamay ko sakanya tapo naglakad na ko.

Maybe after 15 steps, he shouted, "I won't give up, Freah! Remember that! I'll keep on pursuing you! At kahit di ka pumayag sa ewan ko kung anong rason, liligawan kita!"

And for the first time since that incident, I smiled.