The Reason (Completed)

Letter 1

To the one who is reading this,

Did you see my first letter? I don't know what to call it, suicide? Goodbye? I don't know... And I don't even know why I'm writing this right now but, I remembered, I want to tell you my story... Do you wanna know? The pain that I felt that time? Emotionally and physically I am suffering. I've been throwned by different kind of words. I've been hurt through many ways... There are times when I've thought of killing myself. But, when I'm already holding the knife, or blade, I'm scared... Scared of dying. This letter is where it all started...

***

"Apo, Freah, Lolo and Lola's back!" I stared at my grandparents na kakalabas lang ng sasakyan. They're from Spain, and kakauwi lang nila. And they'll be staying here for good.

"Hello..." The only thing I said. Hindi naman kasi kami close and hindi din naman ako sakanila lumaki so they don't have to expect that I have to kiss their cheeks or what.

Hindi ngumiti lola ko, instead, she went inside the house and made herself at home. I just shrugged and let her be. Bahala sila.

I know that I'm not a good girl, and I'm also aware that I'm not 'that' respectful. And it's not my fault na nagrerebelde ako ng ganto. My mom's outside the country with her husband. He's not my real dad, he's my step dad.

Atleast I'm nice enough to be happy for them. Hindi naman kasi nila ako nakakalimutan and nakukuha ko parin naman lahat ng gusto ko. Lahat ng luho ko.

I'm also studying at a prestigous school. And I have my allowance so I don't have any complaints. I have our maids to take care of me, but now na nandito na lolo't lola ko, hindi na daw namin kailangan ng maids, kesyo daw matanda na ko at kaya ko naman daw alagaan ang sarili ko. Tsaka, aalagaan din naman daw nila ako. Wala na kong nagawa kasi pumayag din si mommy, kaya okay. Pumayag din ako.

"Okay." Yan ang lagi kong sagot kela lola. Wala naman akong magagawa. Sila naman masusunod.

Tsaka, hindi ko naman sila laging nakakausap, kasi, lagi naman akong nasa school. Busy magpataas ng grades dahil yun ang gusto nila. Pag nasa bahay naman ako, lumalabas ako para puntahan ang bestfriend ko.

Siya lang naman nagpapasaya sakin eh. Siya lang nagpapatawa sakin. Siya nagtatanggal ng pressure na bigay ng magulang ko at nila lola.

O kaya naman, pagtinatamad akong lumabas, nagkukulong lang ako sa kwarto ko. So hindi talaga kami naguusap.

One day, narinig kong kausap ni lola si mommy sa telepono. Hindi ko sinasadyang marinig pero, naiyak na lang ako sa narinig ko...

"Ang bastos bastos ng batang yan! Wala man lang respeto sakin. Nagaaral ba talaga yan sa paaralan? Parang walang pinagaralan! Napaka bastos!" Narinig kong reklamo niya. Hindi ko na kinaya kaya tumakbo na ko pataas ng kwarto ko at umiyak.