Chapter 9

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Demi

I left the babies, awake in their cribs, when I heard the doorbell. I ran downstairs & threw the front door open to see someone standing, on my stoop, holding flowers, balloons & a big heart shaped cookie that appeared to be made from rice krispies. Yum. Someone knew me well. I smiled, wondering who had sent me all of this. In my heart, for a moment, I wondered if they were from Nick. The moment his name popped into my head, I saw his face come from behind the balloons. His smile stunned me, making my own smile disappear. Why was he smiling at me? Wasn't he mad at me for smacking him or grabbing his throat? Wasn't he mad that I overreacted & turned our nice evening into an ugly one? He did lie to me about something huge & for a long time, but I feel like I turned it into something more, something that it didn't need to be. I got bent out of shape over one lie. Nick was right. In twelve years, he told me one lie.  

"Happy Birthday." He said, making my heart start racing in my chest. I couldn't speak. I wasn't prepared to see him. I didn't want to see him right now. I wasn't ready to face the end of our marriage. Was he trying to soften the blow of a divorce with this birthday gesture? I looked, frantically, in his eyes, blinking away tears. I saw love in his eyes. Why was he looking at me like this? How could he look at me this way, when I put my hands on him in anger? 

I watched Nick's smile fade & I took a deep breath. I didn't want to look at him, but for some reason I couldn't tear my gaze away from his. I was so surprised he was here. I know he'd called me, but I couldn't bring myself to listen to the messages. I figured he would say he wanted to see his babies or that we needed to talk. I knew we needed to talk, but right now I was not ready.  

"You should go. If you're here all day, you can send someone to get the babies later." I said, finally looking away from him, shaking my head.  

Nick's face looked disappointed. He started to speak, when one of the babies started screaming upstairs. I glanced up at him, then ran upstairs to the nursery. Mercy was screaming, so I picked her up, shushing her & bouncing her in my arms. I turned a little & saw Nick come into the room, out of breath.  

"Is she okay?" He asked, his voice shaking with concern.  

"Yea. They're teething." I said, holding Mercy's face close to mine & not looking at Nick. I saw him go to Jered's crib. 

"There's my little rock star." Nick said to Jered as he picked him up. I stole a glance to watch him kiss Jered's head. "Daddy missed you so much." I almost broke down in tears. I didn't want my marriage to be over. I didn't want my babies to only see their daddy once a week. I blinked & swallowed several times to keep from crying. 

Nick came over to stand closer to me, leaning in to kiss Mercy's head. Her eyes, still wet from her tears, lit up when she saw her daddy. "I missed you, too, sweet angel." He murmured as he looked into her eyes. He was killing me right now. His eyes met mine, briefly, before I looked away. "Is it okay if I stay?" He asked, seeming afraid of the answer. 

"I guess. You can help me feed them & get them down for a nap." I said, grabbing one of the bottles I had put on the dresser. I handed it to Nick, then took the other one & sat in the rocking chair. "What are you doing here anyway? I thought you had rehearsals all week." 

"I talked to Rob yesterday & told him we had a fight & that you came here & he told me to take the day off to go talk to my wife." 

"No talking in front of them." I shot Nick a warning. I saw him nod his head as if he already knew that. 

I tried to concentrate on my daughter in my arms, ignoring the cute faces Nick was making to Jered or the cute things he was saying to him. I made equally cute faces to Mercy's serious face as her eyelids grew heavy. All that screaming, she did, wore her out. I started singing to Mercy, trying to drown out Nick's voice as he talked to Jered. When Mercy was asleep, I laid her in the crib, then rubbed her head, gently, as I watched her sweet, sleeping face. Nick had laid Jered down a few minutes before I laid Mercy down & now he came up to stand next to me. 

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