Dazai was telling you everything. He was telling you about his childhood and how happy it was before his family got problems with Mori. He was telling you about his family and how they were killed and then Port Mafia adopted him, when he was 10. He was telling telling you how he met Chuuya and how they were friends at first. He was telling you how he met Odasaku and Ango and how then, Odasaku died and he asked Dazai to leave Mafia and start helping people. He was telling you how he had to "stay quiet" for the first year after his leaving and how he couldn't walk in the streets normally because the Mafia could catch him. He was telling how he couldn't get used to normal life for 2 years, but he enjoyed it a lot. He was telling you how miserable he felt because he was haunted by his past and he thought, that it will never leave him.
He was telling you all these things, while you were lying on his shoulder. Your hand was on his chest and Dazai was playing with it, while he was talking: he was stroking your knuckles, intertwining your fingers with his and the letting your hand go and drawing circles on your palm. His other hand was wrapped around your slim waist pulling you closer to him. You were completely naked from your previous activity and the blanket only covered lower parts of your bodies. His body was warm and his skin was so smooth, that you wanted this night to never end. Your hair tickled his neck and cheek slightly and he loved this feeling a lot. His head was turned to you so when he was speaking, his lips touched your forehead from time to time.
You weren't ashamed of your naked body and you didn't even try to hide it. What's the point? Dazai has already seen you (and not just seen) you in your most vulnerable state. He saw all your flaws, yet he was still lying with you now and his hand was slowly sliding down from your waist...
"I though...I thought, that past had stuck to me like a glue." Dazai was telling you "I was afraid, that it would never leave me, but I knew, that it would be impossible to be happy remembering all that has happened to me. I've thought about death back then when I was in the Mafia, but at that time, I started thinking about death even more. I'm so happy, that I wasn't dumb enough to commit suicide 'cause if I did, I would never meet you."
He took your hand (the one he was playing with), brought it to his mouth and kissed your knuckles gently. He kissed all of them, then he pressed his lips to your hand again in a very long kiss and only then put your hand back on his chest. You were blushing madly, when he was doing all this.
You buried your face in the crook of his neck.
"You are amazing." You mumbled "I love you so much. I don't even know what I did to get someone like you!"
Dazai smiled softly. Your breath tickled his skin.
"I love you too." He said "Actually, this is me, who doesn't deserve such a perfect significant other."
"Dazai, you're a better man, than you think." You answered
"(Y/N), I made you lose control over your ability. I made you feel so much pain. I was the reason of your depression. I made you hate yourself so much, that you even punched the mirror and look at your hand now!" He told you "Shall I continue?"
"It's all in the past now." You said "And now I know why you were acting like that. By the way, don't you think, that director Fukuzawa will be angry because you failed your mission?"
"I didn't really fail it, but even so, I don't care." He answered "Fukuzawa is a good man, but this was out of borders."
You could feel how Dazai's hand, which used to be on your waist has now trailed to your butt.
"Dazai, hands off." You told him smiling
"But why? When I was touching it, you were moaning so sweetly. Why should I keep hands off?" He joked
"Because you know how this will end!" You answered and also laughed "And I'm too tired for another round."
Dazai laughed softly and you thought, that his laugh was the best sound in the world.
"Okay, okay." He said and rested his hand back on your waist "But we'll try to do it twice one day, right?"
You kissed his neck.
"Right."
Dazai looked at the clock on the wall.
"Oh my, look what time is it!" He exclaimed "We should be sleeping. We don't have a day off tomorrow."
"I don't want this night to end." You whined
"We'll have thousands of nights like this!" Dazai said "And even more!"
"Thousands?" You asked
A pleasant shiver ran down your spine. Dazai meant, that you'll stay together. He won't leave you. He'll be right where he has to be: by your side.
"Yes, thousands of nights." Dazai repeated "Why are you so surprised? You were afraid, I was gonna leave you?"
You stayed silent because you didn't want to admit it.
"I know, that you thought so." Dazai sighed "And I actually understand you. I acted like an asshole towards you."
"Dazai..." You started
"No, let me say it." He stopped you "I'm really sorry for this and I know, that just one night is not enough to forgive me completely, but I love you more than I've ever loved anyone and anything. You are my starts and my moon and I won't ever be able to forget it. I've never felt like this. For the first time in my life, when I'm feeling truly happy and I'm only by lying next to you. This is how you make me feel! You're the most beautiful girl, I've ever seen and I promise, I will make you love yourself as much as I love you and...wait, what's that?"
Dazai suddenly felt something wet and warm on his neck and he heard quiet sobs. Your body trembled a bit because of crying.
"Why are you crying?!?! What did I say wrong? (Y/N), please look at me!!" Dazai started asking millions of questions because he got worried and even scared
You lifted your head and looked at him. Tears were still running down your face, but you were smiling. Dazai got completely puzzled.
"Why are you smiling?" He asked you
"These are happy tears!" You explained "I'm happy and that's why I'm crying. No one has ever loved me before and after hearing your words, I couldn't hold these tears back."
Dazai kissed your forehead gently
"You better get used to it." He said "I will tell you it every day because I want you to be happy and feel loved."
You pecked his lips
"Will everything be alright now?" You asked
Dazai smiled happily
"Yes, (Y/N). It will."
YOU ARE READING
Boats & Birds (Dazai X Reader)
Fanfiction(Y/N) suffered from her ability,which she couldn't control.It was too powerful and dangerous so people around her were afraid of (Y/N) and avoided her.Her life was horrible,full of loneliness and pain and she couldn't change it.She even thought abou...
