Finding My Way

Chapter 5

After a night of Malcolm having 'fun' with my barely conscious body, I feel like a damn train hit me, ran all the way over me, then backed up like they always seem to do. If I had my way I'd still be in bed, but Malcolm never let's me sleep in. My left arm hurts too bad to be trying to sleep though. He was just digging his nails into it as he held it behind my back while he... hurt... me. I think my arm is broken, but I know I can't tell him that. He'll probably get mad and snap my other arm like a twig. He is so damn evil for no damn reason.

I looked around for my foundation but couldn't find it. It had to be in my makeup bag then. I walked out the bathroom and into the bedroom to look for my purse. When I saw it, I sat on my side of the bed and looked in it.

The envelope from the other day caught my eye. I hadn't took time to look at it; I don't even know who it's from. Whoever it's from doesn't know that I don't live with my mother anymore.

"Well, let's see wh-"

When I turned the letter around, I let out a hard gasp. I can't believe it.

"Raym-"

"What the fuck is that?" Malcolm came in the room straightening his tie. "Oh, and why aren't you ready?"

He just woke me up fifteen minutes ago, that's why I'm not ready. He should be surprised that I'm dressed, it takes some women hours to get ready.

"I forgot that I put my makeup in my bag so I was getting it to put it on. I have to do that then put on my shoes and I'll be ready. I'm really not sure what this is though, my mom gave it to me yesterday when I was at her store."

He snatched it out my hands. As expected, his hand smacked across my face. He hit me so hard that my purse fell out my lap and everything hit the floor.

"WHO THE FUCK IS RAYMOND MANGHAM BITCH?! YA OTHER MAN?! HOW MANY TIMES I GOTTA TELL YOU I OWN YOU BITCH?! I OWN EVERY PART OF YOU BITCH! WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?!"

I fucked around and flinched up when he was about to hit me again, so he snatched me off the bed and onto the floor then kicked me in my side. I tried my best to not make a sound, but I had to cry. Who could just take that shit and not react to it? That shit hurts! He put all his power into that damn kick. I feel like my side just caved in.

"WHO THE FUCK IS THIS ADRIANNA?! TELL ME RIGHT NOW BEFORE I BASH YOUR MUTHAFUCKIN' SKULL IN!"

He yanked my hair causing me to groan. "MY FATHER! MALCOM IT'S MY FATHER! MANGHAM IS MY MAIDEN NAME!"

I sat up to look through my pile of stuff. I picked up my old license and gave it to him. "Mangham is my maiden name. See? It's on there. My father has been in jail ever since I was eight, I'm sure that's just a letter."

I tried taking a few slow, deep breaths while holding my side. Why is he even putting me through this shit?! He knows what my maiden name is!

"WHY THE FUCK DO YOU STILL GOT YOUR OLD LICENSE?! THE NEW ONE CAME IN THE MAIL THE OTHER DAY! IT'S AGAINST THE LAW TO HAVE MORE THAN ONE I.D."

It's also against the fuckin' law to kick people in they muthafuckin' side, but I don't see him complaining about that!

"I know, I know. I'm just so unorganized. I thought I disposed it already. I'm so, so sorry. I'll organize my stuff better."

"I know you will. Give me the paperback license beside you so I can get rid of that one as well."

Even though my arm and my side hurts, I hurried and gave him the license. He threw my envelope at me then walked out the room.

I hurried and put my stuff back in my purse then I went in the bathroom to clean my face then put my makeup on. I combed my hair up into a ponytail the best way I could.

The door shot open then Malcolm shoved a long black dress, a beige blazer, and a pair of black heels in my hands.

"Change. We do not have all day."

I quickly took my dress off then changed into the outfit that he gave me.

"Let's go."

A few minutes later we left the house in his black Bugatti.

The saddest part to all of this is that Malcolm is flipping out on a Sunday... while we were getting ready to go to church!

After all of his fuckin' rage, he gave me permission to open the envelope. I don't understand why he got so mad if he was going to let me open it anyway.

There were two pieces of paper in it. I pulled one of them out and looked at it. Yep, this is my daddy. He and I are both left handed. He writes so much better than I do, and he can draw.

I took the other paper out and opened it to see an amazing drawing of a baby girl holding a teddy bear. Not just any baby though, baby me! He is truly talented, I wish he would have used his talent for something productive rather than waste it. Well, I wouldn't really say waste, but he could have made better life choices.

I don't know, that's kinda why I'm scared to read the letter. He didn't only go to jail for domestic violence. He went for other stuff too which is why he's been in jail for the last eleven years of my life.

What if he's mad? What if he wants to kill me for being the cause of him going away for so long? Well, that's a crazy thought. Who would send a baby drawing to someone they want to kill?

If I don't read it now I won't ever read it.

    Dear Adrianna,

      Hey baby girl. It's been a long time, hasn't it? Eleven whole years. Eleven tough years. It's crazy, I blamed you for being the reason I been locked up so long. You just did what I never had the guts to do as a kid. Defend my mother. When I reached out to your mother I didn't expect her to answer me. I figured I could give reaching out to you a shot too. I've had all of this time to chill out and think on my actions, and I hate the person I was. My daughters should have never been exposed to all of that violence. There I was putting my hands on someone's daughter, but I don't want my daughters thinking it's okay for men to put their hands on y'all like that. It ain't.

     I won't make this letter too long, I just want you to know that I love you and I have nothing but respect for you baby girl. That stab may have hurt, but I'm glad you stopped me before I went way too far. I'm not mad at all baby. Like I said I won't make this too long so I'll end it here.

                 Love, Papa Bear

I folded the letter and lowered my head. "History is repeating itself."