What I Really Learned in High School

Lies I tell my parents.

1. "I'm going to bed early."

This usually implies sleep, and isn't completely a lie. But honestly, I don't mean "I'm going to go to sleep early." I mean, "I'm going to go to bed early so that I can read or go on my laptop or otherwise do things I want to do in my room without being questioned."

2. "I'm doing ___ with my friend ___ (girl)."

Usually not a lie. But if I want to hang out with a guy, what am I going to say? "Hey, parent who doesn't let me date or really hang out with guys-- I'm gonna go do this thing with a guy. It's not a date or anything, but I do think he's cute and hopes it turns into one." I'm not talking about like going out to raves and stuff, just little unimportant things.

3. "I finished all my homework."

I don't care how much homework I do. There is ALWAYS more. And parents don't seem to understand that sometimes you actually can't do all your homework no matter how hard you try-- it's actually impossible because you have to both do it and go to bed on time. A lot of times, it's one or the other.

4. "Boys have cooties."

I have not thought this for many, many, maaany years now. I don't know if my parents think I'm a lesbian or just not into guys or what, but come on parents. Jeez. You honestly think I'm NOT into guys? That I DON'T pay attention to every little thing a guy I like does? That I don't get crushes or asked out? Even though when you were my age you had already had multiple boyfriends? Way to live in denial.

5. "School was fine."

Pfft. Paradox much? No explanation needed.