2. Xavier Alan Phoebe {bxb}

CHAPTER 21✓

Two weeks later...

Xavier

There comes a time in ones life when you feel like something is missing, like somehow, there is something you should see but just can't. I was having those days. One where I look at myself and feel like I'm not seeing who I really am, who I was meant to be and I was to blame.

"Alan?" I blinked at my reflection at the sound of my mother's voice. "You done yet? Your friends are waiting." I pursed my lips together.

"I'll be right down!" I told her.

"You better or else Kathryn might kill someone. "I chuckled then and shook my head.

I felt a tingle in my brain, like a piece of me was locked away and it was trying to get out, but I didn't know what it was. My boring brown eyes seemed so unreal, so unnatural and I hated them, but then again, what didn't I hate? I sighed and walked out of the small bathroom.

Walking down the stairs, I couldn't fight the feeling of dread which settled inside me. I could see into the living room where my 'friends' were seated, waiting.

"You're such an arse, Christian! "Kathryn hissed as she glared at him from his seat.

"You snooze you loose." Kathryn rolled her eyes at him and walked away.

"One of these days, Chris, just one." My heart fluttered at the sight of him.

My best friend, Christian. His blonde hair was styled in a mohawk today and his brown eyes were so vibrant, so alive and...I just didn't ever want to look away. I smiled shyly then... unable to control my weak heart.

"There he is!" Christian said standing up. "About time, man. "He said, slapping a hand over my shoulder, I stumbled slightly, trying to ignore the pain. I ran a hand through my black hair then and looked away, trying not to be so obvious with my admirable stares.

"The mall, awaits!" Travis said then, his blue eyes stared at me and he winked. He linked his arm with mine and pulled me out of the house. "You my friend, need a little shop therapy." I raised a brow at him.

"Is that so? "He nodded wildl.

"Don't think we haven't noticed you have been in a bit of a slump since your birthday, time to cheer up." He opened the door to the car for me and I entered, just as I glanced back to see Christian with Danielle wrapped around him, my heart squeezed. Travis stepped into my view and I looked up to see his sad smile. "Don't even think about it, you know what he'd do." I blushed and shook my head, closing the car door.

Everything felt so wrong, so out of place but I couldn't place my finger on it, I couldn't actually see what it was I was missing. That we were missing.

Soon, we were on the road and Travis was driving, and I was trying not to listen in on Christian and Danielle flirting.

"You have such pretty eyes, "Christian said and I glanced at the rear view mirror to see them face to face, smiling. Danielle had a blush and I felt sick.

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The mall had been a drag. I tried to enjoy myself, tried to be with my friends, but I just couldn't. I just couldn't stand to be around them and I couldn't tell why.

"Have a nice day today? "I looked up from homework. My dad, a big burly man with a dimpled smile. I shrugged.

"It was alright." I told him and he clapped his hand on my shoulder and I groaned from the pain.

"How's Christian? "He asked as he poured himself a glass of water.

"He's fine. Think he and Danielle are getting together." There was a bitterness in my voice and my father chuckled.

"Thought so, those two have been inseparable since the summer." I looked up at him and shook my head. "So, what about you?" I raised a brow.

"What about me? " I askes and he smiled.

"Any girl in your life? Kathryn mabye?" I placed my pencil down then.

"Uh... "I said dumbfounded." No... "I said and he frowned." I'm okay alone, thanks. "I began packing everything up.

"Woah, no need to leave." He told me and I paused.

"But I'm done. "I said instead.

"Is everything okay?" He asked me. No, everything was not okay. I'm lost and confused, I don't know what to do with myself half the time and I don't even know why I'm here. I'm a mess and I don't think it's from puberty, how can I be okay?  I'm in love with my best friend... He's straight and a football playing homophobe. I thought to myself. How can I be okay if this is my life? When I love my friends, but they don't feel like my friends. When half the time it feels like we are all just living a big fat made up lie with no return and I feel naked. This, I wanted to tell him, but no, instead I went for what they all want to hear.

"Yeah...I'm great. "I gave a fake smile then. He nodded then while still looking at me with worry.

"Are you sure?" He said. "You've been acting strange since your birthday." I shook my head.

"I'm fine, trust me."  Trust me, I might never be okay.

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Narrator

"I do not see how this will help." Theodore said gravely to a pale heartbroken Elijah.

"You don't have too, "Elijah told him, his head bowed over the large bowl filled with clear silver liquid." Just trust that it will work. " Theodore walked over to his dear friend and took hold of his shoulder.

"Elijah, don't you see what you are doi-"

"Of cource I do! "Elijah yelled with tears coming down his face, he stared wide eyed into Theodore's eyes.

"Well, I don't, doesn't that tell you enough?" Elijah only stared at him. His bright blue eyes dulled and he looked down at himself, he placed a hand onto his own stomach, it was flat but he could still feel it...the life growing inside of him. There was silence and Theodore sighed. "You should be taking it easy." Elijah shook his head. "At least tell me, what is the goal?"

"The goal, "Elijah sniffed with a tilt of his head." Is not for him to seek his magic..."He swallowed and licked his lip, "for what is magic without actual magic?" Theodore furrowed his brows.

"Your logic really is your logic. "Elijah gave a hint of a smile.

"He needs to see what it's like to love and not be given love." Elijah wiped his tears away. "The goal, is for him to allow himself to love openly, while being denied love. Christian is his magic, Theodore, without him he is no Caster, without him he is without light."

"He chose dark..."Theodore stated.

"Because he already has a conscious and really, that's what light is about if you think about it, being able to feel for others and worry about how it affects the people around you." Elijah went on to explain. "He may have chosen dark but that doesn't make him evil, nor does it make him unlovable or dangerous, it's just who he is and who he was always going to be, and Christian only made him better. Christian gave him a conscious, he gave him light. He needs to find that." Theodore bit his lip.

"I hope you are right..." Elijah only blinked.

"I'm always right. " He said. "And it won't be long before Xavier comes back to them."

A\N
26 December 2016