I felt nauseous as I scrubbed in, watching as the young boy was quickly prepped for the surgery.
"Ready?" My mum asked dabbing her hands dry with a towel looking towards me.
I nodded my head and followed her into the OR
I took a deep breath as I stood at the table, looking down at the sedated boy laying upon it.
"Alright, so the intention of this surgery is to get in there, find anything out standing like bleeders, signs of organ failure etc. While we are doing so, Dr Avery and his team will be in here doing their thing. This boy has gone through a lot in the past few hours so…"
I zoned out of the rest of her little speech as the sound of the doors opening from the scrub room into the OR filled the air. Jackson, followed by an intern and a few other people filed into the OR and stood at the side of the room as they waited for us to begin the surgery.
"Dr Robtesloan"My mum spoke snapping me out of my trance
"Yes?"
"Would you like to make the first cut?" She asked
I nodded my head and turned to Bokey who had the scalpel already in hand.
I took a deep breath before positioning the scalpel on the boys mid abdomen and watched as blood slowly trickled out as I pressed down and made the first cut.
An hour into the surgery, mum and I had found the source of two bleeders just under the liver and filled a crack in his ribs with prosthetic cartridge that had just finished a trial in Australia.
But even though the surgery was going smoothly I couldn't help but feel uneasy about Jackson being in the OR with me...either that or the baby had decided that 11:30 at night had become the new morning and wanted me to throw chunks all over this boys intestines.
Mum did one last check that the prosthetic cartridge had cemented properly before looking up over at Jackson and his team "Okay Dr Avery, we're ready for you now" She announced
Jackson nodded his head before making his way over to the OR table. There was something about the way he walked...something about his air and the expression written across his face… he seemed...cold...Not in the literal sense but in a figurative way.
And I just knew it was because of me.
Jackson now stood directly opposite me in the OR as he spoke to his team and told them what they were going to do. They were going to work with the burns and do a few skin grafts on the areas of his body where the skin was almost un-salvageable.
"Okay, well my work here is done" Mum proclaimed as she stood back from the OR table "Dr Robtesloan will stay here until Dr Avery and his team are done and then close"
I looked over at mum who gave me a smile and mouthed "talk to him" excitedly
Oh if only she knew.
I glanced back over at Jackson who had already begun working on little Robbie.
I took another deep breath as a pain shot up through my body.
"Bokey, can you please hand me th-"
Jackson was cut off by the sound of the monitor beeping telling us that we were losing Robbie.
"What happened?" I heard my mum yell, as she re-entered the OR.
Jackson pulled back his hands "I don't know" he replied looking down at the open body, trying to think back on any mistakes that he had made in the last few moments.
I felt my heart rate speed up and my breaths became quick and short as I looked down at the unconscious boy. The screams of Sophie Layton's parents rung in my ears as I realised that was what Robbie's family was going to respond if I didn't do something soon.
But I was frozen.
"Dr Robtesloan" My mother called from the other side of the OR. She had already scrubbed out as she was holding u her arms "You have to do something"
I looked up and met Jackson's stare
"I.."
Another strike of pain shot up through my body but this time more intense and distressing.
I felt a warm fluid trickle down my inner thighs as the pain began to slowly subside.
But the pain in my chest, as I realised what was happening; only grew.
The OR became silent, the sound of Robbie's beeping monitor ringing in everyone's ears.
Suddenly a surgical crash team appeared in front of me to work on Robbie as a I took a step back.
My hand rested on my belly as I lifted my head. My mums eyes were wide and glassy but Jackson only stood there and stared blankly.
My mum took a step towards me but I just ran.
As much as It hurt and no matter how much blood was seeping down my legs. I had to get out.
I stammered through the hospital, still wearing my scrubs and scrub hat until I finally felt the crisp night air whip against my face. I put one hand against a pillar and tried to keep my breathing under control. I pulled off my scrub hat and surgical gown and threw them to the floor, wiping away the tears that fell onto my cheeks.
'What have I do to deserve this?' I mentally screamed 'I save lives for Christ's sake!"
"Sofia?"
I looked up and saw Addison walking towards me wearing a black trench coast and heels.
"Sofia, whats wrong?" She asked picking up her pace and coming quickly towards me
She placed her hand gently on my cheek and lifted my head "Hey..hey whats wrong sweetie?"
I sobbed harder as my breath caught in my throat.
Her eyes drifted slowly down to my blood stained pants and sneakers.
She gasped quietly and her eyes grew wide as she looked back up at me. "Oh honey" She breathed, enveloping me in a hug as I cried into her shoulder.
"Come on" She said pulling back, tears were pricking her eyes "I need to get you inside"
I didn't say anything as she put her arm around me and led me back inside the hospital. Leaving my scrub cap and gown lying on the cold ground.
Knowing that was the last time I would be seeing one, let alone wearing one for quite a while..
I havn't been able to go back through and check the spelling and grammar etc just yet but let me know what you think!! xx-S
